Are you a mother?

I went to a local coffee shop, The Frothy Monkey, before the zoo today to get some hot chocolate for Rachel and me. Even though the shop is very close and has great hot chocolate, I rarely go. The line gets long most weekend mornings, and I usually drink tea when I want something hot, which I can make perfectly well at home. So I took the cool weather and the outing as an excuse to indulge.

When I got to the register, I was a little surprised (despite the day) to be asked, "Are you a mother?" I had Oliver with me, so I guess it wasn't that invasive. And the guy was asking because the shop was giving moms their drinks for free, so he was trying to help me out. But still.

I have enough people in my life who have dealt with or are dealing with infertility to be worried about the practice of asking middle-aged women who come in for coffee on Mother's Day, "Are you a mother?" What if the answer is, "No"? What if the answer is, "No, but I've wish I were" or "I want to be"? What if the answer is, "No, but I don't know if I ever can be"? What if the answer is, "No, and I really wish people would stop asking me when I will be"?

Last week was National Infertility Awareness Week. And I just want to say that, while my blog is focused on my (thus far) fertility, for which I am truly thankful, and the product of it, I want to make sure that everyone I know also knows about the many, many people who are dealing with infertility and how their mood and day can be affected by even the smallest question. I've asked some dumb ones myself, said the wrong thing, and felt like a real jerk later on. They key, I think, as with almost everything, is to become more knowledgeable, try to become more thoughtful, and just, well, be aware.