The thing about pregnancy tests

is that they seem, when they’re positive, to be the pregnancy at first.  I keep going into bathroom and looking at the positive tests.  They make me feel better.  As though the test were the pregnancy rather than an embryo inside my uterus.  I know as I get further along and begin to feel pregnant, I’ll stop thinking of it that way. But for now, I’ll just keep looking at those tests.

I POAS

I’m pregnant.  I mean, I had a positive pregnancy test – or four.  Seems like I’m pregnant. 

I was supposed to start my cycle on Tuesday, so when it still hadn’t started Wednesday morning, I took a test.  I took it at 2:00 in the morning when I woke up and had to pee.  The control line came up quickly without any sign of a second line, so I thought it was negative, threw it away, and went to bed.  Later that morning, around 7:00 when I got up with still no sign of my cycle, I couldn’t resist looking at it again.  And sure enough, there was the faintest line.  But the test was invalid at that point.  So I took another test.  And this time there was a still faint but clearly present second line.  Positive test.  I took another one this morning just to make sure – a FRER, which gave me a nice, clear, slightly darker test, and a CBE digital. 

I’m nervous.  I’m hoping that things continue to go well.  And I’ll probably pee on a stick in a few more days just to make sure.

EDD: January 15, 2011 

Pregnant

Two years ago today, I got my first positive pregnancy test.  This morning I took another test.  It was positive.  I am pregnant.

I knew I couldn’t wait until Friday.

Dear Husband, Part 40

I caved and took a test two or three days ago.  Predictably, it was negative.  Wes and I agreed I would wait until the end of the week to take another one.  But today I told Wes I really wanted to take another test before Friday.  To help make my case, I pointed out that I’m now about five days late with my period.

Wes: It is?  So you really think you might be pregnant?  (Note: I’ve been mentioning my symptoms to him for more than a week.)

Liz: Yes!  Why do you think I keep saying this might be happening?

Wes:  It takes me longer to process these things.  Oliver was six months old before it finally sunk in we had a baby.

Too early to tell

It’s Sunday, and my period is several days late.  Last Thursday would have been a 28-day cycle, which is what I had the month before, and today would have been 31.  I almost expected to at least spot, since that’s what happened with Oliver, but I guess every pregnancy – if that’s in fact what this is – is different.  I also had a really queasy stomach the last few days.  I was a bit lightheaded and vomited at one point.  Again, it all seems far too early for this, but at the same time seems more than coincidental.  

In the 2ww

My breasts are sore.  I noticed it yesterday, and today it got worse.  I’ve never had sore breasts before – except when I was pregnant and nursing.  But I’m literally about five days past ovulation.  There’s no way these could be pregnancy symptoms.  I haven’t noticed anything else, but my breasts are definitely sore.  Two weeks is a long time to wait…

Pregnant (!)

I’m pregnant. Isn’t that crazy?

Today I asked a colleague (and mother of two) about the spotting. She insisted that it wasn’t unusual and had herself had almost a normal period before she knew she was pregnant. I also found out that another colleague is about 8 weeks. She’s bad off with morning sickness, so I guess it became hard to hide. We’ll see how I do.

I’m still nervous. I couldn’t sleep last night, partly for the nervous thoughts running through my head and partly for the fact that we went back to school today. I cried at one point because I was so worried we were going to lose this pregnancy. I know it’s silly given how early it is, but I think it’s in part my fear of being excited prematurely that makes the emotions stronger. I guess all there is to do is wait and see. Is all of parenting this nerve-wracking?

Pregnant (?)

I found out yesterday that I might be pregnant, and today I confirmed it. Since my period was five days late, I decided to take a test more to rule out a pregnancy than because I was expecting one. But sure enough, this time the second pink line came up. It was pretty faint, which had me wondering if it was really true, but a second stick – the kind that just says “pregnant” if you are – reassured me this morning. I’m having some spotting and some strange sensations – not cramps, exactly, but something – that are making me really nervous. If I lose the pregnancy this early, it won’t surprise me, but it will still be disappointing given how much I want to be and stay pregnant.

I have the name of a group that includes both midwives and doctors, so I’m going to give them a call this week. If I don’t like the vibe I get from being with a midwife, then I’ll try and get a referral from a friend to an OB/GYN, but I want to at least entertain the notion of using a MDW.