Sleepytime tea

A few days or weeks ago, I posted on Facebook: "Pondering the dissolution of bedtime. You can "make" them go to bed, but you can't make them go to sleep. Maybe I just need to go all Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle on them."  I loved Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle books growing up.  I think I still have one.  She was the wise older lady who gave great advice to parents whose children were misbehaving.  Like the kid who wouldn't take a bath.  She told the parents not to make the child bathe.  To cover him with a fine dirt and sprinkle seeds.  And after a few days, plants started growing on him.  And then he would take a bath without complaint.  Or the kid who wouldn't pick up her toys.  So her parents didn't make her.  And then she got trapped in her room and couldn't get out when Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle was taking the children on a parade around the neighborhood.  So she cleaned them up and learned her lesson.  Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle was wise like that.

I think the sleep example I'm thinking of may actually be The Cosby Show, though.  When Rudy wants a later bedtime, so her parents say she can stay up as late as she wants.  And eventually she's so exhausted that it's affecting her at school and she can't enjoy the rest of her life.  But regardless, we went through a period of weeks when it seemed none of our children would go to sleep.  And somehow, we got to the other side.  Some of these things we did, I think.  But others were probably a result of those phases that kids go through.  Who knows.

Zola has always gone to sleep well.  I (with help from my mom, while I was on a trip) had to get her to sleep through the night, but she's never cried at bedtime.  She got her pacifier, laid down, grabbed her blanket, and went to sleep -- on her belly with her but in the air.  That was it.  She hardly moved all night.  But then a month ago I decided she needed to get rid of the pacifier.  We went cold turkey.  I did the first two nights when Wes was working and wouldn't have to hear her cry.  I rocked her, sang to her, and put her down.  I went down every 10-15 minutes to calm her down.  After 60-90 minutes, she would give in and go to sleep.  And for at least four weeks I tried this.  Every 4-5 days, I would get a night when she only cried for 20 minutes.  Or a few when she would cry for 3 and then go to sleep.  Some nights I would stay down there and just talk to her when she cried.  Some nights I would pat her back, which kept her from crying, and left my hand on her until she fell completely asleep and I could tiptoe out.  I don't know exactly how that's better than a pacifier, but I was giving it a go.  Then my family came into town for Oliver's birthday.  One night she fell asleep faster than ever before.  The next night she was screaming at the top of her lungs for 20 minutes before I got her back up.  My mom held her, and she finally fell dead asleep and went down.  Some days after that, decided I just couldn't do it.  Letting her cry for at least an hour every night just seemed dumb.  For a whole month, she never had a pacifier.  I never caved and gave it to her.  I never let her have it at nap.  In fact, she'll go down in the very same crib at naptime and not cry.  But bedtime was different, and no amount of "sleep training" was working.  Hearing her cry every night made me physically tense.  I was angry at her for not going to sleep.  I was tense with the other kids.  I was mad at myself for not being able to fix the problem.  So I've gone back to the pacifier -- for now.  I'll try again when she's 18 months, and I might try some kind of intermediary like I did with Emmeline -- a gumdrop pacifier in her case, to give her something to soothe but that wouldn't stay in as easily.  For now, I think it's better for all of us.

Emmeline, on the other hand, has never easily fallen asleep.  When she was a baby, she nursed and rocked to sleep and used a pacifier.  Then I stopped nursing.  Then we got rid of the pacifier.  For a few days and weeks, she would cry for about five minutes and then fall asleep.  But she never just went to bed.  And she still doesn't.  She talks and sings and squirms around in her bed.  When we moved to the new house, we had to put a lock on her door to keep her in her room because she wouldn't stay in there.  She'd come out with 15 requests and questions after bedtime, and before we knew it, it was an hour later than when we laid her bed.  Sometimes she'd go into Oliver's room.  Sometimes he'd tell us, but usually they'd just play until I heard them down there.  I tried sitting next to her room for as long as it took for her to go to sleep, just to keep her in bed.  But once I stopped, she began again, and so we did the lock.  Now she doesn't try to come out, and we don't have to put the lock on.  So long as I put her on the toilet right before bed, she usually doesn't have an excuse.  She still sings and talks, but we even seem to have minimized that.  We get the kids into bedtime soon after dinner now, and then we either play a game, read books, or watch 20 minutes of a show or movie.  But every night, I read Emmeline the same two books up in her bed -- Llama Llama Nighty Night and If I Could Keep You Little.  She knows every word but still wants to read them over and over and over again.  There's no decisions about what to read.  We read those.  If we read other books, it's earlier and on the couch in the living room.  Every night, though, is these two books in her bed.  Then I plug in a nightlight that projects the solar system onto her ceiling, turn out the overhead light, and tell her she can look at the books until she falls asleep.  And she rarely comes out.  I've never seen anything like it with her before this.

And then there's Oliver.  Who doesn't nap and hasn't in years.  Who went through a few weeks of sleeping in really late.  He gets ready for bed with his sister and reads or watches with her, but most nights he gets another 20 minutes.  We let him work on his Lego sets that have pieces too small for his sisters.  Or he works on his road track in his room until he's sleepy.  Or, like Emme, he looks at books in bed.  Most nights we even say goodnight and tell him to turn off his light when he's tired.  We go back 20-30 minutes later, and his light is out and he's asleep.  He was never one to get up much, and he doesn't now unless he needs to use the bathroom.

We've also taught Emme to come into our room -- not Oliver's -- when she wakes up, which means he's sleeping to a more reasonable hour than her.  Actually, 6:30 is pretty normal for a 2-year-old, just sometimes earlier than I'd like to get up!

I know as time passes their sleep cycles will change.  It's fall, the weather is beautiful, and the kids are getting plenty of outdoor time to wear themselves out.  Winter may be more challenging if they're too still.  But for now, it does seem to have improved.  And there does seem to be a commonality with the big kids that letting them "do something" quietly after tuck-in time lets them decide when they're ready to lie down and fall asleep.  That Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle.  She's a smart lady.  

The third, or about Zola

I have a special connection with each of my children because of who they are in the family.  Oliver is my firstborn, which means all of my firsts as a mom were with him.  Emme is the big sister, like I am in my family.  And Zola is the third child, also like me in my family.  And so I will hope she will forgive me that I have done such a poor job documenting her first few months on the blog.  Part of that is that, well, I now have three children.  Life is busy.  Part is that it’s been a different kind of transition, and I didn’t feel I was doing as good a job transitioning her into our family as I did with the first two.  And in my stew, I hesitated to write anything down that might suggest her addition to our family was anything was seamless.  But now that things are more settled I will attempt to document as much as I can – and keep up from here on out.

Zola is ten months now.  She’s been with me for over five months, home for four and a half, and in my arms for almost as long as she was out of them.  She’s definitely attached to us, all of us, and I would say I know her pretty well, though as with all young children, I’m learning more every day.  She seems to be developing normally and is ahead of her siblings in some fine and gross motor skills.  She learned to sit well around six months.  She was rolling to get to things within a few weeks of that.  And shortly thereafter, around seven-and-a-half or eight months, had developed a crawl that allowed her to get around pretty well on our wood and stone floors.  She was truly crawling at nine months, but does so with her left foot and right knee.  When she’s on rough or uneven terrain, she crab walks.  She seems like she really wants to just stand up and walk, but we’re probably another month or more away, though she can now hold my hand and walk along next to me pretty well.  She still does this funny three-point sit on her hip with her legs over each other and one arm in the air.  It’s truly a Zola pose that she did from early on.  She learned to pull herself up around eight months and now cruises some around the furniture.  Her daycare teacher said she stood up and stayed upright for several seconds last week.  And last month she crawled up our stairs from the sunroom to the kitchen, though she doesn’t know how to go down them – safely anyway.  Fortunately, she seems to now realize their danger and usually sits at the top and fusses.

As far as personality, Zola is a bit of a mix.  She is really happy and sweet when she’s not tired or hungry or wanting someone to pick her up.  When she is any of those things, she can be very fussy and loud, and her cries are particularly painful.  She has a whine that drives me bonkers and I really hope goes away when she learns to talk.  I’m trying to teach her some signs now – mostly “more” and “food/eat” and “please.”  Zola has always been a very curious baby.  She watches people very closely, stares even.  When she’s in the back carrier, she’ll lean over hard to one side to see around me at whatever is the focus of my attention.  She likes textures, always wanting to touch everything and run things through her fingers.  She’s a toddler, and like most, loves to put things in her mouth, but with a zeal I’ve never seen before.  She’s extremely determined – to get to the one thing you’re trying to keep her away from, for example – and she cries when I tell her “no” too sharply or take what she wants.  But in general, she’s a happy baby when she’s not unhappy.  She’s got this hilarious belly laugh that comes out when she gets giggling really hard.  She loves being with her siblings and is usually pretty content if being held or carried by me or Wes.  She seems to know her grandmothers well enough not to fuss for them now.  And she’s more or less adjusted to daycare in her first five days.  She cried hard the first two days at dropoff but calmed down after I left.  The third day she didn’t fuss at all, and the last two days it’s just been a little wail when I walked out the door.  It was both a blessing and a curse to see her cry as I left.  I hated that she was so sad, but it also meant that she knew me as her mom. She didn’t cry once when she left her foster mother.  She smiled at me, and she was happy with me thereafter.  And it wasn’t for a lack of attention from her foster family, as they clearly loved her very much.  But Zola seemed to adjust very quickly to her life with me and in our family, perhaps even faster than we did to her.

Zola is still a thick baby, and while I think she’ll eventually thin out a bit, I don’t doubt she’ll always have a fuller figure than Emme.  It’s just how she’s made.  She does seem a bit more trim as she’s moving so much more.  She eats very well, though, and after waning a bit after learning to crawl, her appetite is once again pretty big.  She has breakfast, lunch, and dinner with table food and some baby food that she can self-feed, and then two 6-8-ounce bottles mid-morning and mid-afternoon.  She does really well with table food and seems to prefer it to the baby purees (though I mostly use them to get her lots of fruit and vegetables).  She can drink from a sippy cup but doesn’t hesitate to hold it upside down and let water or juice drip out, so it’s still just at the table.  She can drink from a straw, so I’ll give her yogurt smoothies or sips of my water that way.  She still has an unnatural attachment to her bottles. She freaks out when she sees one and will not calm down until it’s in her hands.  She’s been able to hold her own bottle pretty well since around six months if lying on her back, but now she can also drink the whole thing sitting up.  She almost always cries when it’s gone.  It’s the one thing I – whether at all true or not – think is somehow connected to her experiences in Congo – of being hungry and just not having enough. 

The other thing Zola loves to do – and is painful without – is sleep.  There are days when she still sleeps as much as a newborn.  When she first came home she would take naps on and off throughout the day without too much of a schedule.  She was up several times at night for a bottle until she really started eating baby food.  With some effort (swing + pacifier + letting her fuss and hoping she’d go back to sleep), I got her down to one middle-of-the-night bottle, and when my mom kept her while I was at a conference in Caly, she got rid of that feed, too.  We tried having her sleep lots of different places – in the cosleeper, in the cosleeper in the master closet, in her crib in the girls’ room, in a playpen in our room, in a playpen in the basement bedroom – and eventually found that she and I sleep best when she is in the basement bedroom.  She might be fine back upstairs now, but I’m hesitant to try it out for fear of upsetting her routine.  Downstairs, she sleeps in a perfectly dark, quiet, cool room without anyone interrupting her.  Upstairs she would go to sleep but inevitably be woken by the older two going to bed themselves.  Or she would wake in the middle of the night for a 20-minute chat (with herself?) while I lay awake in bed waiting for her to go back to sleep.  There was definitely more crying involved in getting into our final routine, but now that it’s done, I don’t regret it.  I think she would have kept waking up to eat as long as I let her.  And I’ve never found anything that helps her fall asleep when she’s fighting it.  Holding or rocking her calms her down, but it doesn’t help her sleep.  At this point it’s not an issue, though, and she usually lies down, head down on the mattress, butt up in the air, just waiting for a blanket.  She likes one to stay warm but also to hold in her hand while she’s asleep.  Since starting daycare, she’s definitely  more tired in the evenings.  She went from about four hours of nap per day to 1 ½.  We’ve been putting her to bed earlier at night and letting her nap a lot on the days she’s home, but overall she’s adjusted to the shorter naps pretty well.  I think that, like with Emme when she was in the infant room, there’s just too much going on during naptime for her to sleep outside the midday one.

Like with Oliver and Emme, Wes has given Zola any number of nicknames.  She’s usually Z or Big Z, but she’s also Squeezy, which seems to fit her.  She knows her name and will turn her head when called – if there’s not something more interesting nearby.  More than anything, she is uniquely her own.  As much as Oliver and Emmeline are distinct personalities, Zola is yet another that is unlike either of theirs.  She’s loud.  She loves to talk.  She loves people and being with them.  I don’t see her being as shy as either Oliver or Emmeline are as toddlers and preschoolers.  She’s not quiet like Ollie, but she’s not reckless like Emme, either.  She has the single-minded focus that Oliver sometimes has, but the stubbornness that Emmeline does.  Every day reminds me that’s changing, though.  It took months – and listening to at least a  hundred different people tell me, “Looks like her top teeth are about to come in” – for her top teeth to emerge.  But now they’re there, and she has an adorable gap between them.  And she got two more bottom teeth at the same time.  Her hair has grown in around the back, making it necessary for me to once again consult websites about easy baby hairstyles for African hair.  If Zola has taught me one thing in her few months home, it’s that just because she’s the third doesn’t mean I don’t have lots still to learn about being a mom.

Up

When Emme doesn't want to go to bed and I'm home, she stands at her door and yells, "I want momma!" When I'm not home, she stands at her door and yells, "Basketball" (ie. lay on the couch with dad while he watches basketball, a habit that began in her infancy).

Big girl bed

Last weekend, Emme moved out of her crib and into a "big girl bed" -- right now, a mattress on the floor.  She slept on a mattress on the floor at the cabin, and she seemed to do fine.  I also saw her start to be able to lift herself up on the crib rails last week -- not far, but enough to make me wonder how long it was going take her until she could get far enough up to spill over the side.  The crib was at it lowest setting, and so it just seemed time.

We went out on Saturday and bought a mattress.  We looked at beds, but we've been generally disappointed with the furniture stores in Nashville.  I found a bed I like online, and we've ordered it.  It's simple, maple, no box springs so it'll be low.  It won't be here for a month or more, since it's made to order, but I think it's good that Emme gets plenty of time on the mattress first before we put her in a bed.  I ordered her some fun, colorful sheets and a quilt that will look cute in the room but also in less baby-like room.  I think it will look good once it's all put together.

Emme was excited to lay on her new bed -- and Oliver to jump on it.  We've been latching her in the room so far to keep Oliver from releasing her early in the morning.  We're worried he'll come downstairs without locking the gate, and Emme will come tumbling after.  She has had several nights now of screaming at night -- sometimes when she's put to bed, other times (and more often) after she's been asleep for a few hours or more.  Last night, she woke up around 3am after a peaceful night up to that point.  I have to lie down with her for a few minutes, and then she's fine for the rest of the night.  I can't entirely figure out what's causing it, but for now, going to her seems to be the thing to do.  

Watching Wes take apart the crib to store it made me think back to the first time it was ever assembled.  It caused a little pang -- in my heart and maybe a little in my uterus.  But mostly, it was exciting to see my baby girl in her big girl bed.

To sleep, I say

Going

Going

Going

Gone

Crash

Weekend naps can be pretty challenging with Oliver.  If Wes is home, and especially if Grammy Kay comes over, Saturdays are very full with landscaping.  We hate to make him stop to take a nap, especially because he behaves so well when he's out in the yard "working," but no nap also means a very tired and grumpy boy come dinnertime. He acts up at dinner, is mean to his sister, and is generally more difficult until bedtime.

A few weeks ago, we decided to make sure he went down for a nap every day he's home, just like at daycare.  Even if he didn't sleep, we figured, he'd at least get used to the predictability of a rest after lunchtime.  Saturday, in the midst of landscaping, we put him down for a rest at the same time as Emmeline.  He was quiet for a while, but then appeared downstairs a little while later saying that Emme's crying had woken him up.  We relented, and sure enough, he was grumpy that night.  He had an early bedtime (despite protests that he didn't want to go to bed) and was fine the next morning.

On Sunday, we put him down for a nap again.  He seemed to fall asleep for a little while, but then we heard banging upstairs.  Wes changed a poopy Pull-Up (yes, still a challenge) and tried to get Oliver to sleep in our bed downstairs.  Wes fell asleep, Oliver did not, and after a short while, they were both up again.

Wes sat on the couch watching a movie while Oliver played in the living room.  At some point, Ollie sat down on the couch and, according to Wes, actually fell asleep while claiming he wasn't tired.  He slept for almost two hours.

I'm not sure what else to do other than what we're already trying -- consistent nap times on the weekend, even if he doesn't sleep.  Multiple opportunities to rest, even when he protests.  Early bedtimes if he doesn't nap soundly.  I do wish he would rest on Saturdays, as no nap often means that "mommy time" on Sundays is less fun.  But at least this week I got a rare glimpse of big, little boy soundly sleeping.

It's 8:00 AM. Do you know where your children are?

My daughter -- she's asleep.  Not still asleep, mind you.  But down for a nap.  Oliver was up at 5:45 (that's what I get for an early bedtime, I suppose), and Emme woke up or was awoken shortly thereafter.  She got very fussy around 7:45, as she often does just before we're getting ready to go to school (normally around 8:30).  I guessed she was tired and put her in her crib while I took a shower.  And now -- sleeping soundly.

Oliver -- he's everywhere.  

Sleeping through the night

I am very happy to say that for several weeks now, Emme has been sleeping through the night.  More importantly, for the last several weeks, I have been sleeping through the night.  Now lots of baby sleep books say that a baby is officially "sleeping through the night" when they go six hours or more at a stretch.  Emme was doing that by probably 12 or 16 weeks.  When I mentioned to a classmate recently that Emme was finally sleeping through, my professor said, "Oh, our kids all did that really early.  My wife would just bring them to bed and nurse them there."  That, my friends, is a man talking.  A man who does not understand that waking to nurse a baby, even one in bed with you, is not consecutive sleep.  And I, for one, never slept well when the baby was actually in bed with me.  So to me, "sleeping through the night" means that baby goes down to bed at night and doesn't wake up (or wake me up) until it's time to get up in the morning.  For both my kids, that's meant 12-hour night.  Down at 7pm, up at 7am, or thereabouts.  And it's happened for both around 9 or 10 months.  Not as early as I'd like, but I made it with both of them.  And I do mean me.  Wes helps a little as he's able, but he'll readily admit that 99% or more of the times that a kid got up, I was the one to get up with them -- to nurse, to rock, to soothe, or whatever.  I don't think I could ever do the hard core sleep training, so it's a gift to me that they both finished night waking around the time that I was really read to be done, too.

Emme has been occasionally sleeping through the night for a few months, but sometimes she would get up much more often -- especially when sick or teething.  A few weeks ago, I made an effort to let her fuss a little longer when she woke up, and she made the turn and the full night became a consistent thing.  I would go up if she woke up screaming loudly -- something that came with her two bottom teeth -- or if she was still crying after several minutes, especially if it was escalating.  But usually he night cries were almost half-hearted.  Like maybe she wasn't even totally awake.  So I let her go, and she's learned to either find her pacifier (which she only uses when sleeping) or go back to sleep.  She slept through a few nights before our trip to Chicago and then did it for two of the three nights my mom was here with her.  I cannot tell you how much better rested I feel.  How I can stay up a little later at night to work because I know I'll get at least eight hours in a row.  

I have been relatively lucky where sleep is concerned.  I've done better with the lack of sleep than I thought I would when first pregnant, and that seems to be something that varies by chidl.  The kids would be up every 3-4 hours, but it was extremely rare that I was up for any reason other than to nurse, and they were usually back down within 10 minutes.  I did go through a period when I rifled at people who said to me, "Well, if she only gets up once at night, that's not bad."  I mean seriously -- who gets up every single night in the middle of the night and thinks, "Well, that's not bad"?  No one.  It's not fun.  Especially after a fairly restless third trimester.  That's like a full year of inconsistent sleep. Without any real naps.

I'll gladly do it again when the time comes.  Much as I like my sleep (especially in my recently redecorated bedroom -- pictures soon to come on the other blog), I don't mind sharing little bits of that time to snuggle with warm, cuddly bodies who immediately calm down when momma picks them up.

In the mean time, though, I'll be in bed.

Sleeping with the Em-me

We've been home from our trip long enough now for me to finally have a sense of Emme's schedule.  I realized at some point that she's a three-nap girl.  She's ready to nap usually a little more than an hour after getting up.  She usually only takes a short nap, but it keeps her from getting really cranky mid-morning.  Then she takes a mid-day nap, and it's usually the longest one of the day, sometimes closer to 2-3 hours.  Later in the day, especially if her mid-day nap is shorter, she sleeps for another hour or so.  Then she's up for 2-3 hours until bedtime.  Emme gets some baby food between 5-5:30 (except tonight, when we were out, so she ate later).  Then she's ready for bed between 7-7:30.  I nurse her, but she's usually not that hungry.  I rock her a little with her pacifier, then put her in her crib.  She's awake when I put her in the crib, and 10-20 minutes later she usually starts fussing and crying.  I let her fuss or cry for a little while before I go upstairs.  As soon as I sit down in the rocker with her and giver her the pacifier back, she pretty much passes out.  She closes her eyes, relaxes in my arms, and begins to fall asleep.  I rock her for just a few minutes before I put her back in the crib, and then she's down for the night.  At some point, she'll need to learn to get to sleep without that second visit, but for now, this is a huge improvement and not a huge hassle to help her get to sleep.  And to be completely frank, I love those few minutes of a practically sleeping baby cuddled in my arms.  I love how being with me some instantly calms and soothes her.  She'll grow out of it eventually, so for now, I'm savoring it.

For a few nights, Em would wake up and nurse again between 1-3am and then would wake up for the day between 5:30 (ugh) and 7:30.  If she was up really early, I would usually take her to bed, let her squirm and get sleepy again, and then she'd go back to sleep until 7:30 or 8.  The last few days, though, she's made it through the night.  She was asleep between 7:30 and 8pm, and then up for the day between 5:30 and 6 (did I mention, ugh).  The first time she did it, I woke around 3am and found that my body had not been notified that there would be no early morning feeding.  After a shirt change, I went back to sleep.  I woke up again last night but fortunately made it through without an outfit change.  I'm hoping that if this feat repeats tonight, I sleep through the night, too.

Shock and awe

It happened.  Emme slept through the night.  And not once, but twice.  On Wednesday evening, after getting her shots at her four-month checkup, she had a really hard time going to sleep.  I put her down once and let her fuss, but it turned to wails and I went and got her.  I tried a second time with similar results, and at this point, she was screaming with little consolation.  She wasn't especially hot to make me think she had a fever, but she seemed very uncomfortable (which happened after her two-month shots also), so I gave her a dose of Tylenol.  She more or less passed out 15 minutes later, and I put her down in her crib just before 9:30.  When I woke up a little after 5am, I realized she hadn't been up.  And she didn't get up until her normal waking time around 6:30am.  I was amazed but realized that she was probably extra tired from the shots, the Tylenol, and the screaming that led to sleep.

The next night she got up around 1:30am, but that was it.

And then last night, after finally getting her down in her crib around 9:00pm, she again slept through the night.  She was up at 5:45am, but I nursed her back in my bed, gave her a pacifier when she got fussy, and she went back to sleep until after 8:00.

I don't know if this is a permanent shift, but even if it become some "one-up" nights and some like these, it's an improvement on where we've been.  The later bedtime makes it hard to get work done in the evening, but that will soon not be an issue.  It took me until eight months to get Ollie to sleep through the night, and it didn't become the norm until almost ten months (when, I sense, he knew that either he had to start on his own or momma was going to make him).  Here's hoping the trend continues.

Dear Husband, Part 53

Emmeline has had a tendency in the last few weeks to go down in her crib between 6:30 and 7:30 but then wake up an hour or so later, wide awake and in no way ready for sleep.  When I'm working or need a break, Wes will often take her, and his caretaking usually involves sitting with her in front of the television while he watches whatever sports are on -- of late, the NBA playoffs.  She's been so content to sit with him on these occasions that I joked she just wanted to stay up to see how the game turned out.  (Wes sees no correlation in the fact that she's often "ready" for bed right when the game ends and that she might be "ready" sooner if he didn't sit with her in front of the television, but, bygones.)

Last night, Emme went down in her crib right at 7:30, seemingly exhausted, no fussing whatsoever.  But an hour later, she was wide awake.  Wes went and brought her downstairs, and then, on realizing there was no playoffs game on, commented, "I guess nobody told her it's a travel night."

Sleep, revisited

Sleep has been a continued source of frustration for me with Emmeline.  She's not a horrible sleeper.  She's just bad enough, though, that I'm getting really tired.  When my mom was here around the end of spring semester, she let Emme cry some to get her to give in to sleep, and that did help.  But after she left, what had been 5 or so minutes of crying became 5 or so minutes of screaming and/or extended sessions that ended up in us having to go get her.  This past weekend and early this week, she was up maybe every hour or two.  So I decided I need to start keeping better track of what our nights look like so that I can come up with some kind of plan.  (Perhaps this is what happens to graduate students who just finished a research methods class, perhaps this is what happens to really tired moms, but either way, here it is.)

For the evening of Tuesday, May 10:

7ish -- Emme is sleepy.  She is rubbing her eyes and squirming.  I sit and nurse her downstairs, and she continues to rub her eyes.  I take her upstairs and continue to nurse her while we rock.  She eats well, but is still awake when she is finished.  I give her the pacifier and put her in the crib.  She cries on and off but not hard for 10-15 minutes.  By 7:20 or so, it's quiet upstairs and she is asleep.
8:21 -- Emme has woken up and is fussing for more than a few minutes, so I go up.  Once in her room, I realize the mobile is playing and surmise that she has (like her brother) kicked the mobile on, and it woke her up.  Wish the mobile had an off switch other than the button, but for the moment, sit and nurse some more until she is calm and sleepy.  Put her back in the crib.  No crying; quickly asleep.
10:30 -- I go to bed.  Everything upstairs is quiet.
Midnight -- Wake up Emme crying.  Go up, change, and nurse her for about 10 minutes.  Put her down sleepy but awake, and she falls back to sleep without any fussing or crying.
3:15 -- Wake up Emme crying. Go up and nurse her for about 10 minutes.  Put her down sleepy but awake.  She fusses for maybe 30 seconds, then evidently falls asleep without any real crying.
6:30 -- Wake up to Emme cooing.  Go up and nurse and change her.  She is obviously up for the morning and very pleased with her more rested state.

She was sleepy again by 8:30 when I left to go to an appointment with Wes, but she hadn't really slept when I picked her up from the sitter after 11.  When we came home for the neighbor's house where Hailey is sitting today, I changed her, nursed her, and put her down. She cooed and babbled for a while, then fussed, and then slept.  She just woke up for a few minutes crying but now it's quiet again.  I'm not sure why she's having trouble staying asleep for longer, as that used to be the one thing we didn't have a hard time with, but there are a few things I do know:

• I sleep much better at this point when she is not in the room with me.  It has nothing to do with the sleep I get when she's asleep in the co-sleeper, but the bad habits I give in to because she's in the room with me -- like nursing in bed and falling back to sleep with her in the bed, or not paying attention to how often she's waking and eating because she's then in bed with me, or not changing her diaper as often as I should (since I don't know how long it's been), which results in way more sheet washing than I prefer to do.
• Emme sleeps well when she's in bed with me, but I think her best quality sleep is when she's by herself.  The swing helps get her to sleep, but it's almost impossible to transfer her out of it without waking her up, which is often how she ends up in bed with me.  She really needs to sleep in her crib, and she will do it if helped along.
• Emme only spends the night in the crib if she starts there.  If she goes down for the night in the swing or the co-sleeper, she ends up in bed with me.  (I swear some nights I'm not even totally awake when I pull her into our bed.)  So even if it takes a little longer or multiple trips upstairs, I have to take the time to get her to go to sleep in her own crib at the beginning of the night.
• She can and will go to sleep with a little fussing or crying.  If it's going to lead to sleep (and not just louder crying), it's pretty mild and only lasts 5 minutes or so.  It bothers Oliver more than anyone, but he's getting used to it.
• I love the sight, smell, and feel of a sleeping baby cuddled next to me in bed.  There is almost nothing better in babyland.  But folks, I'm tired.  I have a school work to do, a messy house and people coming over Friday, and errands to run, but the thing I really want to do right now while she sleeps is take a nap.  I've got to get more sleep at night.  And unfortunately, I think that might require nights like last night -- when I'm up more frequently than I'd like but manage to keep her in her bed -- in order to get her to longer stretches of sleep and not in my arms.  

Here's hoping!

Goodnight, sweetheart

Emmeline's sleep has something of a focus in our household recently.  Her nap schedule during the day is a little variable, but she tends to catnap a little in the morning and afternoon with one big four-hour nap in the middle of the day.  I don't think it's the best thing for her, but it's clearly her tendency, and so right now we're going with it.  At night, except for one magical night when she went to bed around 7pm, she doesn't usually fall asleep until around 10pm, often because I go with her, nurse her and snuggle her, and then move her to the co-sleeper once she's down.  Right before I left for Savannah, we'd gotten a swing and used it to help settle her at night.  She'd started sleeping most the night in her crib, and we were both getting better sleep.  But the travel and then the surgery threw all that off, and now the swing -- while it helps -- doesn't get her down at night.  Wes and I have both had turns recently of sitting with her on and off for several hours in the evening, trying to get her fully asleep somewhere other than in our arms.  I get a lot of good television watched that way, but not so much school or housework, let alone dealing with Oliver if I'm home alone.

What does help sometimes, though not all the time, is swaddling her once she's tired and recently changed, then nursing her, then rocking her with her pacifier before putting her down.  She gets kind of crazy with her squirming recently, so it seems to help to control them in a swaddle.  The only problem being, she seems to be able to get out of almost any swaddle I can do.  Last night, she fell asleep in my arms after an hour or more of fussing on and off.  I laid her down in her crib, and she slept maybe 20-30 minutes.  So I changed her, swaddled her, nursed her, and laid her down again while she was still awake but sleepy.  That lasted about the same amount of time.  She was then up for several more hours, fussing on and off, nursing once or twice.  I tried the swing at least twice, but it didn't seem to help.  I finally picked her up from the swing about 10pm, and with a little swaying, she fell to sleep, slept until 1am, when she got changed, nursed, and slept until 6am.

Ollie was usually an easy baby to get to sleep.  He would cluster feed almost nonstop for about an hour, but then pass out and be down.  No rocking, no swaying, no swing, no swaddling.  But, despite some early successes, he didn't sleep more than three hours at a go until seven months or later.  He was eight or nine months before he truly slept through the night, and that didn't become a pattern until ten or eleven months.  I didn't mind because it was easy to get up just once, nurse, and go back to sleep.  With Emme right now, though, it's sometimes three or four hours to get her to sleep, and she's usually up for the day eight or so hours later, which means six or seven hours of sleep for me and not continuous.  I have to say, I'm getting a little tired.  She has had stretches of five and six hours, though, which helps keep me from really, really tired.  I'm hopeful that once we can get her bedtime routine worked out, she might sleep through sooner than Oliver did.

Fortunately for me, I'm leaving for a conference on Friday, where I will be, alone in a hotel room each night, until Tuesday.  That's four -- FOUR -- nights of sleep.  And maybe even a nap.  I doubt I can get more than six hours of continuous sleep without waking up because I need to pump, but even that's not bad.  I feel a little bad for Wes, who will be dealing with this by himself, but then I realize that usually I deal with it by myself and I feel less bad.  I'm most worried about Emme, who is sometimes only consoled by a nursing mommy who snuggles her into bed.  Wes is a much heavier sleeper, much more likely to smother her, and so less likely to let her snuggle next to him to go to sleep.  Of course, that may be just what we all need to get her into a routine.  

This is what tired looks like

Emmeline, so far

Emme has been with us in the world for 10 days now.  It's hardly enough time to get to know someone, but here's my best effort at how she's been so far.  For one thing, she's a peanut.  She's the same size as Oliver was when he was born, but she just seems so small (or maybe Oliver just seems so big).  She sleeps around 3-4 hour stretches but has had up to 5 hours, though not at night.  She nurses well.  We had some latch issues at first that made things pretty uncomfortable, but it's better now.  And I have a good supply -- there's probably 30-40 ounces in the freezer already, and two bottles in the refrigerator for the babysitter tomorrow.  Her nursing sessions are extended, though.  She nurses on one side, falls soundly asleep, then wants to nurse again ten minutes later.  I'm usually up almost an hour when I nurse at night.  She does have nice alert periods.  She picks up her head and gazes around.  She gets wrinkles in her forehead just like Ollie did and just looks so contemplative.  She was up for almost five hours, with maybe just a catnap yesterday, but I think it's because she has a little cold -- very sneezy and lots of mucus.  I got a humidifier today, and I've been using some children's saline wipes that somebody at work put in Wes's box.  When she's awake after naps, she's in a very good mood and is willing to lay on the bed or in her lamb chair and just be.  She does really like to be held, though, and she's spent increasing amounts of time in the wrap and carrier so that I can get things done.  She's started having more and more involuntary smiles in her sleep, which I love to see.  I can't decide if she has any dimples yet.  She absolutely hates to have her clothes and diaper changed, and she gets quite loud when either is done, though I think she's starting to get used to it.

As for looks, she's really different than what we expected.  She's so much darker complected than Oliver with his pale skin, pink cheeks, and blonde hair.  I honestly thought she'd look more like I did as a baby, and I'm not really sure who she does look like.  Her eyes are a deep, dark blue, so it's hard to know what they'll end up as.  She has thin lips compared to Oliver, but a similar chin and nose and brow.  She has some decent hair, but it's much darker than I would have thought.  Her eyelashes and eyebrows are coming in.  She has long, delicate, thin fingers, nothing like my beefy farmhand hands.  To us, of course, she is lovely, but in reality, she looks like just about any other newborn baby.    

We are all enjoying having her finally here.  I've yet to have a moment of wishing she were back inside me.  Wes has finally gotten some moments to snuggle.  I feel like he'd gotten to spend a lot more time with Ollie at this age, but household disasters and the presence of said first child and work have limited his time.  He did get a little face (or shoulder) time with her today during the football games.  Oliver also asks to "hold it," and now that I've introduced the Boppy to the setup, he likes to look at her and laugh.  She has her playpen and lamb chair in the living room, so she's in the mix of everything happening.

So that's our sweet girl.  So far.

You asked for it

I took Oliver into the bathroom this evening around 7pm (for the umpteenth time today), and he slipped on one of the rugs, rubbed his eyes, and said, "Oliver take a nap."  Twenty minutes later he was in bed, and we haven't heard a thing.  Looks like this transition to no nap in the afternoon might necessitate an earlier bedtime.

Okay by me.

Dear Husband, Part 42

Wes is coming off overnights today. He got home around 9am this morning, played with Oliver, ate breakfast, and watched the finals match of the Australian open (even though he already knew who won). I needed to go do a big grocery shopping trip and had expected to do it in the afternoon after Wes had slept some and could keep Oliver. But I got worried that it was going to be dark by the time Wes was up from sleeping, and I was worried about being on the roads after this snow (which has now melted some and will undoubtedly refreeze tonight). So Wes told me to go ahead.

I didn't get home until around 1:15pm, about an hour and a half after I left. As expected, Wes and Oliver were down for a nap; unexpectedly, they were both asleep in our bed. I opened the door to the bedroom to let Lucy out. Wes awoke, and I saw Oliver asleep on the far side of the bed, right along the edge. Wes seemed to notice where he was and appeared to be moving him when I closed the door.

Another hour or more later, while I was sitting in the living room reading, I started hearing chunks of snow and ice fall off the roof. And then, a few minutes later, I heard a slightly different thud. And then I realized what I'd heard.

I ran to the bedroom but didn't hear anything from Ollie. Wes was rolled over to the other side of the bed, checking him before picking him up to comfort him. I heard Oliver draw in a big long breath to scream, but he quickly calmed down on Wes's chest.

Wes and I never co-slept with Oliver in the bed, partly for this reason. Whereas I can't settle completely with Ollie in the bed, Wes sleeps so soundly that it's almost not safe. I'm not as nervous now, when Oliver is developed enough to move things or sound a protest if he's in distress, but clearly there are other, newer dangers.

Nightmares on Elmwood

Oliver is finally through a rough patch of sleep. Last week one of his teachers mentioned he'd woken up from his nap really upset and practically screaming. The same thing happened at home on Saturday and Sunday. On Sunday, I took him downstairs to our bed and tried to nap with him for another hour or so. When we finally got up, he was very clingy and didn't want me to put him down. He woke up between 2am and 4am for several nights in a row, too. He was really upset and screaming, and he wouldn't go back down by himself. I rocked him, he would calm down, and when I tried to put him in the crib, he'd immediately start back up and reach for me. He would let me rub his back in the crib, but as soon as I stopped and tried to leave him, he'd start back up. I took him to bed a few times, and in one instance was able then to return him to his crib an hour later. He finally had a normal nap on Tuesday, then slept through the night again that night and last night.

I've read about and heard friends tell about kids having night terrors or nightmares at this age. I hate to think of him going through this, unable to articulate what is upsetting him. I'm glad he's made it through. He's been really clingy with me recently, too. In the afternoons and evenings he'll hug my legs and want picked up. I assumed it was withdrawal from all the attention and holding he got with family here over the holidays, but maybe these nightmares have just left him a little ill at ease and looking for comfort.

Regardless, I am happy that he seems to be doing better, and in all honesty, I did love the chance to rock with him and snuggle in bed a few times. Though it can be exhausting if it happens for long periods, it kind of makes me feel still needed and useful. There's nothing like hearing a baby take those few big breaths after finally calming down from a big cry and feeling him melt to sleep in your arms.

Victory is mine

It finally happened. Oliver slept through the night. Everyone said it would happen, but I was starting not to believe them. I bought The No Cry Sleep Solution several months back, but never really tried it in earnest. I did stop responding so quickly to his noises, especially once I realized that he often made them when he was sound asleep. And we'd gone from two wakings to one. And I kept telling myself -- this isn't so bad. I can do this for a while if I need to. It'll get better in Tennessee, when my bedroom's downstairs and his is upstairs.

But then it did happen. Oliver went to bed last night right around 8pm. I followed suit just after 10pm, then woke up at 4:45am. But not because Ollie was crying. He was still sleeping. I worried for a minute that he was dead in his crib (be honest, we've all thought it), then decided I was being ridiculous and went back to sleep. The alarm went off at 5:45am. Ollie was still asleep. I even managed to get ready for work before he woke up at 6:30am.

I keep telling myself there is no guarantee of a repeat performance tonight, but I was so giddy this morning: my baby slept through the night! Hurrah!

Ollie's Journal, Week 30-36

Things I did:

1. Started CRAWLING. Hello. My favorite thing to do now. I like to go see Lucy on her bed and play with her toys, bang the baby gate keeping me off the balcony, rip the cover off the computer, chew on the straps that dangle down from the high chair, check to see if mom and dad left the front bathroom door open so I can play in Lucy's bowls, bang on the washing machine -- and, oh yeah, occasionally play with some of my toys. (Notice the words repeated here: Lucy and bang).
2. Got two bottom teeth and am thinking about two on top (the white bumps are visible, but I won't let mom or dad get a good look). I can now eat some special crackers and chew them up. Mom promises I can have Cheerios and Goldfish when I have four teeth in.
3. Discovered wheels. I like to push the stroller back and forth in the hallway (and chew on the stroller wheels when mom's not looking, as pictured here) and spin the wheels on my dump truck. Such a stereotypical boy.
4. Felt grass for the first time. Yes, it's finally warmer here in Chicago, and everything is green and beautiful. Mom and Katie have both taken me to the park, and I got to try the swing (not a big reaction, so we're going to go back when I'm better rested) and lay in some grass. It pokes me on my cheek!
5. Got on something of a schedule. I usually get up between 6:30 and 7am (no matter what day it is), nap from 9-11, again from 2-4, then go to bed around 8pm. Mom doesn't understand how I sleep more now than when I was littler, but she says she's not complaining. I'm also doing better at night. I just get up once now, and it's usually only for 10-15 minutes. I'm going to try really hard to sleep all night soon!
6. Gave mom her first Mother's Day present -- a pink hydrangea and a funny card (dad helped me write a nice little sentiment, and then Lucy made us per her name on it, too).

Right now: It's 3:17pm, so I'm in the middle of my nap, of course.