No Child Left Behind, 2nd edition

I had my first appointment with the midwife yesterday.  I know most women see their prenatal provider more like 8-10 weeks into a pregnancy, but since I had an ultrasound at 8 weeks, and since I was already on the Prometrium, I decided to wait until I would be able to hear the heartbeat on the doppler to go in.  I was nervous but excited.  The first appointment is another step in making the pregnancy real, as is hearing the heartbeat.  I made an early appointment because I've had problems before having to wait a long time to be seen at this clinic.  I like the place, and they're the only midwives in Nashville (that I can find) that do hospital births.  And fortunately, they do theirs at Vanderbilt, since that's the cheapest place for us to deliver on Wes's healthcare coverage.

I did get seen very quickly.  They weighed me, took my vitals, and I chatted with the midwife a little bit.  And then came the part I was nervous about.  She got out the doppler, and I pulled up my shirt and laid back.  And then she turned on the doppler and started looking.  And kept looking.  She made a comment about the baby kicking a lot, moving around, but she couldn't find a heartbeat.  She looked for several minutes before she stopped, calmly, and said she was sending me for an ultrasound.  Wes wasn't with me at the appointment.  He was sleeping off a late shift, and I didn't think was that important for him to be there.  So I got the order from the front desk, got back in my car, and drove down the street to the ultrasound facility where I had my 8-week scans.  I alternated between preparing myself for a fetus that had not developed past the last scan (when it did have a heartbeat) and knowing that there was a chance the midwife just couldn't find the heartbeat.

The ultrasound office saw me quickly, too.  The technician asked if a Vanderbilt ultrasound student could come in, and I consented.  They need practice, I figured, even if the news was not good.  One day, they would have to give some woman bad news, too.  But after I put on the gown and laid down on the table, they quickly found the baby, measuring almost a week ahead of my dates, and with a nice, strong heartbeat between 155-170 bpm.  It was moving around a lot at some points, and the ultrasound tech said that can make it hard to get a heartbeat on the doppler, especially when it's still so small.  All I could think of was my first midwife's appointment when I was pregnant with Oliver, when the midwife couldn't see anything on the transabdominal ultrasound, and Wes and I sat for 45 minutes waiting for a transvaginal scan to show up that there was, in fact, a baby in there.  I don't know if it's because the tech knew I had been worried or because she was teaching or because she was just having fun, but she spent a while in there looking around, taking pictures, and talking to me about what she saw.  The baby looked great and finally looked like an actual baby.

I had to go back to the midwife's office afterwards.  I waited for a long time for them to get the ultrasound report, but they finally took me back.  I told the midwife what I knew, which she was happy to hear, and I asked several more questions I had about the practice and prenatal care.  The whole thing took almost three hours, and I ended up missing my class because of it (the only class I missed during my entire master's program!).  I thought I would go back at 16 weeks, since I was seen every 4 weeks at my former clinic, but she said I could wait until 18 weeks and see her after the anatomy scan.  Her office scheduled it on my way out, so on August 12 we'll hopefully know the gender (and that everything looks okay), and I'll see the midwife the next day.

I hate the worry that I had for those 45 minutes or so, but if the worst my babies do in utero is hide from the ultrasound and doppler wands, that's fine by me.  I'm praying that the next appointment will be somewhat less exciting.

Weigh In: Week (almost) 11

Today’s weight: 123.5.  I don’t ever remember weighing that before.  The belly is now obviously more pregnancy than fat, at least when I’m undressed, but not noticeable to someone who doesn’t know when I’m clothed.  I don’t mind the weight loss, but I won’t mind the nausea being gone.  My weekly pregnancy e-newsletter said that women gain around 12 pounds in the second trimester…

Weigh In: Week 9

123 pounds.

Weigh In: Week (approximately) 8

Last weekend in Phoenix, I slept, read, and ate when I could.  I came back, and I’ve gained three pounds.  Three!  And I’m only 8 weeks pregnant.  I’m so not ready for that part of pregnancy.  Must get some exercise and soon.

Hey, good lookin'

Last Tuesday was our early ultrasound for the study I’m in.  This ultrasound was my main reason for participating in the study, since my midwife’s office doesn’t do them routinely.  Wes and I both like to see the baby early, to know there’s just one and to see that it is developing normally and in the right place.  I scheduled the ultrasound this time for as close to 8 weeks as they would let me, knowing we should be able to see a heartbeat by then and such. 

I was really nervous the night before and could hardly sleep.  I couldn’t even look at the screen until the tech had pointed out the gestational sac, the fetal poles, and the heartbeat (170bpm!).  I looked then, and suddenly Wes and I went from being very nervous to being very excited. 

I still can’t quite grasp the fact that we’re going to have a baby – another baby – in January, but the excitement is growing and it’s hard to ignore that my belly is, too. 

Oliver is as captivated as ever by babies, but as my mom and sister noticed, it’s usually the baby he sees in doorknobs and spoons and some pictures on the wall.  Funny that he should start to call himself this just as it’s becoming so very obvious that he is no longer one.  

Sick and tired (but pregnant)

I’m sitting up until Wes gets home from the airport, having returned home from a conference in Washington, DC.  And I cannot wait for him to get home.

I’m 6w4d pregnant now.  The pregnancy still doesn’t seem real, but the symptoms do.  I started getting a little nausea last week, and by late in the week, it was all day.  I’m basically always nauseated now.  I started taking my prenatal vitamins before bedtime so that the worst of the nausea is while I’m asleep instead of in class.  The only drawback is that if I wake up at night – I mean, when I wake up at night to pee – I am horribly nauseated.  The trashcan is now next to my side of the bed.  I’m not eating very much or very often as it often makes the nausea worse.  I literally have ginger ale and saltines in my kitchen.  I’m losing weight, but my belly – leftover from Oliver and a lifetime love affair with ice cream and Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups – is no smaller if not a little bigger.  I’m also worn out, the result of being the mother of a toddler, in class and at work all day, doing homework every night, and on a progesterone supplement.  I’ll take all of it, though, if it means that the pregnancy is going well.  Our ultrasound is on Tuesday, and we should see a heartbeat if everything is okay.

Oliver, on the other hand, loves babies suddenly.  Mind you, we don’t talk about this pregnancy or “a baby” coming.  I’m not suggesting, as some do, that he has some sense of what is happening.  It’s just funny that he suddenly says baby every time he sees one out or in a book.  He stops at the door of the infants room at daycare and stares at them as we go past.  I’ve had a few, if fleeting, moments of what it will be like with him as a “big” brother.  It’s a nice image.

Make it stick

The midwife from my last appointment called today to let me know the results of a blood test that they’d done almost ten days ago.  They told me when I had the blood drawn that they would have the results within 24-48 hours.  When I hadn’t heard anything by Friday afternoon, Wes checked my medical records to see the results.  Because the number was borderline based on what I knew to be normal, I wasn’t sure what the midwife would say.  I called the office Monday, but it was closed (I guess because of the flooding over the weekend).  I called on Tuesday and left a message with the nurse, but no one called back.

So the midwife says that my progesterone level was on the low side of what they like to see.  I then told her I was pregnant, and she said to start taking the progesterone right away until the end of the first trimester, which will help reduce the risk of a miscarriage.  I know it doesn’t guarantee anything, but it makes me feel better that we are doing everything we can.  

The thing about pregnancy tests

is that they seem, when they’re positive, to be the pregnancy at first.  I keep going into bathroom and looking at the positive tests.  They make me feel better.  As though the test were the pregnancy rather than an embryo inside my uterus.  I know as I get further along and begin to feel pregnant, I’ll stop thinking of it that way. But for now, I’ll just keep looking at those tests.

I POAS

I’m pregnant.  I mean, I had a positive pregnancy test – or four.  Seems like I’m pregnant. 

I was supposed to start my cycle on Tuesday, so when it still hadn’t started Wednesday morning, I took a test.  I took it at 2:00 in the morning when I woke up and had to pee.  The control line came up quickly without any sign of a second line, so I thought it was negative, threw it away, and went to bed.  Later that morning, around 7:00 when I got up with still no sign of my cycle, I couldn’t resist looking at it again.  And sure enough, there was the faintest line.  But the test was invalid at that point.  So I took another test.  And this time there was a still faint but clearly present second line.  Positive test.  I took another one this morning just to make sure – a FRER, which gave me a nice, clear, slightly darker test, and a CBE digital. 

I’m nervous.  I’m hoping that things continue to go well.  And I’ll probably pee on a stick in a few more days just to make sure.

EDD: January 15, 2011 

POAS

Pregnancy tests should be sold in packs of 3.  The first one for when you test too early, the second one for when you get a positive, and the third one for a week later, when it still doesn’t seem real and you need another positive test as evidence. 

I did a little shopping today for some tops.  I made sure that all of them will either hide what I need to hide for the next 8-10 weeks (which hopefully won’t be much) and will cover what comes after.  It was strange but wonderful to stand in the dressing room at LOFT and push out the shirts to see how well they would cover.  I think part of the reason I prefer to wait to share my news – even with my family – is that I need a few weeks for the pregnancy to sink in and become real to me.  It does help that the ultrasound in now “next week,” as in as week from Thursday.  I think the little gray blob, with a nice flickering heartbeat, will make this feel like it’s really happening.  Until then, I’ll just pee on a stick if I need more reassurance.

6 6/7 weeks and 13 2/7 weeks

For the record, I now weigh 5 lbs. less than I did at that first appointment. Evidently my body is taking years-old stores of fat from other places on my body (thighs first, please) and relocating it to my midsection. Please forgive the naked bellies. Wes prefers the au natural shot.

Boy or Girl?

We'll find out at 2 PM on Wednesday, April 30!

Books that I must have in my book collection

1. The Monster at the End of this Book
2. Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You?
3. Everybody Poops (I mean, who doesn't want that in their collection?)
4. Amelia Bedelia books
5. Click-Clack-Moo (an anthropogical study of the labor movement among farm animals; perhaps to be followed by Animal Farm)
6. Pat the Bunny
7. But Not the Hippopotamus
8. Good Night, Gorilla (if you know my husband at all)

This does not include the many excellent books already on our shelves, including (but not limited to) Harry the Dirty Dog, The Five Chinese Brothers, Mrs. Pigglewiggle, Where the Wild Things Are, The Butter Battle Book, and other such classics.

Stuff for the Thing

Wes and I went out with a bunch of his colleagues last night, many of whom were hearing for the first time that we're expecting. People seem real excited for us -- especially those who heard me talk previously about wanting to start a family -- and tickled by the idea of Wes becoming a father. One great thing I've found about finally telling people is that I now have veteran parents whom I can poll for advice on baby purchases. There's so much stuff out there, and while Wes and I are both pretty anti-stuff, there are some basic necessities plus the kinds of things that make life easier that we'll be purchasing between now and September. Right now I'm searching online, reading product reviews, making lists. We'll wait a bit before going out to see and try anything out in person before buying, but I'm a planner and well, I don't mind this bit either. So here's my request. If you ever read this blog (since I'm finding every day that there are a lot of old friends lurking), have a kid, and have an opinion on any of the following items, please email me or post a comment with your endorsements.

1. Stroller. What we need: one stroller that can accomodate an infant through toddler, handle the wear and tear of city living and walks along the lakefront, push comfortably for people who are 5' 4" and 5' 11", and ideally, not cost more than 2 months worth of a car payment (read: I love the Bugaboo, too, but is it really worth it). What we don't want: a crappy piece of plastic that won't survive the wind or snow or sidewalks, even if it is cheap, or a "travel system" since we don't have a car.
2. Cloth Diapers. What we need to know: which brand to go with. There are a lot out there, and I think I prefer the pocket diapers. FuzziBunz and BumGenius seem to be my top two picks, and while I like the idea of a "one size" purchase with BumGenius, I'm also skeptical that is can really fit a child in that age and weight range.
3. Bouncy seat or swing. What we need to know: one, both, neither? We don't have a big space here, folks.
4. Sling or carrier. What we need to know: one, both? And for the carrier, has anyone tried the Ergo Baby Carrier?
5. Co-sleeper. What we wonder: All the older moms and dads warn against the baby sleeping in the room, but lots of younger ones, especially working moms, seem to like the convenience for a few months to help with nursing. I know the product that's most popular, but lots of people say, "The baby just ended up with us anyway." Any experiences out there?

I know there's tons of opinions and reviews online, and I'm finding them, but it's nice to have suggestions from people whom we know and who know us.

Dear Husband Part 14

Wes and I went to Target yesterday to "get stuff for the thing" (translation: craft supplies to make mock-jugular veins to insert in chopped up anatomy cadavers so medical students can learn how to put in lines -- we went with foam sheet and superglue). While standing in my own little version of heaven -- crayons, markers, pipe cleaners, sparklies, glue, and the like -- Wes smiled and said, "I'm going to have too much fun with this kind of thing. Buying arts and crafts stuff and games." Yeah, me too.

Baby names my students have submitted for consideration...

And no, they weren't joking.

Essence
Lexus
Samuri
Asia

I told them we're considering Gertrude. They didn't find that amusing.

Project Runway -- I have a request...

I've been watching Project Runway -- or reruns of it -- every season since it started. I don't have great interest in fashion, and I don't consider myself a fashion savvy individual, but I really enjoy it. I've seen all kinds of challenges -- from dressing contestants' moms to women who have lost lots of weight to designing prom dresses and wedding dressing to using food and reinventing denim.

So here's my suggestion for next season (if I didn't miss it in a previous one): maternity clothes. Find women somewhere between months 5-9 and design something that's flattering. While I'm enjoying my expanding belly, I'm realizing that not much is going to stay on very well once it gets bigger.

Telling the Girls

I shared my happy news with my students today. Here are the best/most common responses to finding out (after, usually, shrieking):

1. "I'm just so excited!" (And they really, really do seem so excited.)
2. "Are you excited?" (Yes, very.)
3. "Why didn't you tell us sooner?" (Worry, worry, worry.)
4. "What're you having?" (A baby, so far as we know.)
5. "What do you want?" (A baby, a human one, preferably of the female persuasion -- and in that order.)
6. "Did your husband know when you got pregant?" (Well, gee, it sure would've been harder if he hadn't known.)
7. "Will you name the baby after me?" (No. Actually, none of the names on our list have ever been students of mine, at least that I can remember. And at least one name I really like got cut from the list because of a student I've had. Sorry, ladies.)

Dear Husband Part 13

Wes decided that this was the morning to make lists: baby purchases, baby names, baby expenses. Included on his list of possible names: rhesus, spider, colombus... Could there be a theme emerging?

Almost There

The end of the first trimester dangles in the future -- near enough to get excited but far enough away to still worry. I was so nervous the first 4-5 weeks of the pregnancy, then it abated some in the excitement of sharing the news with family and close friends. But now it's back. I had horrible nausea last night and so was worried when I woke up this morning with practically none at all and hardly any appetite. How do I know everything's okay? I look forward to the day that some movement can convince me there's actually something alive in there.

Things have been down in our house. Wes is coming back from his illness and coming off nights, which has made his sleep schedule terribly odd. After being out late with a friend and getting up early at Lucy's behest, I also slept for several hours this afternoon, which has made me feel cranky and out of sorts. I reflected last night on the fact that one of the first things we're doing as expecting parents is looking for someone else to take care of our child. It's really depressing to think about. I know on a rational level that it's a reasonable choice. It will help our coffers and my career options to work at least part time next year, and I know the child will probably only be with someone else for 15-20 hours a week. Part of me thinks it will help me stay somewhat balanced, give me more to think about than an just the worries of an infant, keep me connected to other adults and interests. And the other part of me just sighs. I haven't felt particularly crazy from hormones yet. Maybe this is part of it -- or maybe it's just part of motherhood.