The kids are (mostly) all right

I have kids now.  Not a baby and a toddler, but kids.  Emme is just small enough -- and cries enough -- to make me feel a little like I still have a baby, but she's definitively a toddler.  She has this funny little gait, more noticeable in her bulky cloth diapers, and just yesterday climbed into her booster seat at dinner for the first time.  And while Oliver has his moments as a "little guy," his burgeoning vocabulary, turn of phrase, and emotional seesawing position him solidly as a preschooler.  And mostly, the kids are all right.

Oliver is just over two months away from turning four years old.  He clearly meets and exceeds all of the developmental milestones and probably has the most room for improvement on fine motor skills (ie. holding a pencil, drawing shapes, writing letters) though he has already made some progress.  He can count to 12 now but needs some help after that to keep the teens in order.  He can add and subtract with manipulatives.  He has some basic phonics knowledge and can spell or "read" a few words from memory.  He's strong, a good runner and walker, and he loves to jump.  His vocabulary is rapidly increasingly, and we're working with him gently on his grammatical errors (like past tense of irregular verbs) and pronunciation (like the th sound).  When he makes an error, I just repeat it back to him correctly and let him pick up on it himself.  He has some sophisticated words ("cahoots"), some mature turns of phrase ("Oh, sorry, sorry, I mean..." or "Sure, mom"), and some original terminology ("light naps" and "dark naps" for daytime naps and nighttime sleep, respectively).  He's getting a lot better in water even though he can't really swim.  He likes to dive underwater and can hold his breath for increasing periods of time.  He still gets nervous about letting go of me in the water, even with a life vest on, but we're getting there.  We're dealing with some of behavioral issues.  For the last month or so, Oliver has been mimicking Emme's babyish noises and psuedo-words.  When she screams, he screams.  Last weekend he got into a phase of being bossy -- telling me and Wes (whom he, more often than not, calls by name) what to do.  We've settled on a response of admonition, rephrasing his statement more appropriately, and having talks before bedtime about what he did well during the day and what he needs to work on.  He doesn't nap well on the weekend, something I'm still working on, and when he gets overly tired his behavior completely falls apart.  I'm really trying to encourage him to be an example for Emme -- in talking properly so she can learn her words, in discouraging her when she screams rather than mimicking her, and so forth.  It works better some days than others.  I see improvement overall, even though there's frustrations day to day.  He still has strange emotional reactions.  He cries at the drop of the hat over the strangest things -- today because he was sad about Emme sitting in his old car seat, and because he said he liked an orange booster seat.  This morning was something else so random I don't even remember what it was.  With redirection, it usually passes fairly quickly.  He's still a good boy, really happy, and genuinely sweet with his sister.

Emme will be 18 months in a  few weeks.  She is just the funniest little thing.  She is increasingly loud these days.  It's not just crying -- which has intensified at bedtime in the past week -- but just loud yelling throughout the day and especially at mealtimes.  Sometimes she seems to do it because no one is paying attention to what she wants.  Other times, she seems to just like hearing her own voice.  I've started asking her to be quieter at mealtimes at the very least, just so Wes and I can hear each other.  She also got her first time out today for hitting Oliver.  I was hesitant to start this, as she seems so young, but I know I began using them with Oliver at the same age.  She wailed the entire time, but I'm hoping it discourages the behavior.  She seems to have a significant receptive vocabulary.  Even her teachers at daycare have commented on it.  She can follow directions really well.  Her productive vocabulary is increasing as well -- she has mama, daddy, Aw-ver (for Oliver), Cille (for Lucy), dog, baby, sippy (for zippy cup), water (she loves the water), bath, and things that sound like bird, book, ball, more, milk, please.  I can say simple words to her and she'll try to say them back.  She repeated but not used independently words like car and truck and pee and poop.  I think by 19 or 20 months, she'll be speaking almost as well as Oliver did at 2 years old.  She just moved up to the one-year-old class at daycare recently, which should help that development.  The transition went better than most of us expected, given her adoration for the lead teacher in the infant room.  She doesn't seem entirely "at home" in her new classroom, but she doesn't cry or cling to me, either.  In a few weeks, it will get better.  For now, she is consoled with the greater access to the toddler playground that the new classroom permits.  Today she came home just covered in sand and dirt.  I sat her on the frog potty for the first time yesterday.  We read two books, sang two songs, and then gave up.  She likes to sit on it (often fully clothed), but clearly doesn't have any idea what to do there yet.  She is playing more with toys now.  She likes to put on the beads, carry around small items like the Lego people, and push trucks like Oliver does.  She mimics his activities more in play than elsewhere.  Recently, the kids have been "cooking" together.  Oliver starts by asking me what I want, and then Emme gets involved with bringing me imaginary food.  Sometimes Oliver asks her if they have something I've ordered, and she'll shake her head yes or no.  It's a riot.  She still gets fussy and wants held a lot, but usually when she's tired.  She's gotten in the habit of demanding breakfast the seconds he wakes up in the morning.  And in true big girl fashion, she's now moved out of the crib and onto a mattress on the floor.  The quilt and cute sheets I ordered for her came in the mail today, and her bed is on order and should come at some point in July.  She's been having screaming fits at bedtime, sometimes an hour or so into sleep, that are hard to quell.  We've gone to her fairly quickly so far, but starting tonight we're trying to let her go a little longer to get used to her new setting.  With the heat (the forecast is 100 or hotter for the foreseeable future) and longer days of sunlight, both the kids are short on sleep.  We're putting them both to bed earlier, but my sense is that they would benefit from more rest than they're getting.  We scheduled Emme's next surgery for November 5, which gives us several more months of no doctor's appointments or casts.

And so my kids grow up a little more -- learning to do new things, say new things, trying out behaviors good and bad.  Ob-la-di, ob-la-da.

O-yeh and turkey samiches: An update on the kids

Emmeline had her fifteen-month appointment at the doctor's office on Friday.  She is doing great, just as I thought, and got back to her normal growth curve after falling well below it at one year (probably because of her surgery and subsequent illnesses).  She's now 21 lbs., 14 oz. (55th percentile), 31 inches (70th percentile), and has a head circumference of 17 3/4" (35th percentile).  Dr. Rauth could clearly tell from her time in the room that Emmeline is very active.  I assured her that she's getting plenty of protein (I've never seen another kid this age like meat so much!), though fruits and vegetables are a struggle (we're still giving her pouches of baby food with fruit and vegetable purees to make up for this).  She's communicating so well these days.  It's really amazing to see.  Oliver's speech developed more slowly, in part because of his hearing problems, but with Emme it's much more than just words.  She really is trying to tell us things, using a combination of baby sign language, pointing, and grunting/fussing/words.  For example, when she wants picked up, she'll say the word "up" with her arms in the air and push up on her toes.  When she's in her room and tired, she'll sign for sleep and then point to her crib.  Yesterday (when she was home with a low, but too-high-for-daycare fever), she pointed to the tupperware of cookies, signed for food, and then threw a tantrum when I said "no."

And that is the other way Emmeline communicates -- with tantrums.  They aren't elaborate.  They don't last long.  But she gets mad easily and isn't afraid to show it.  She stomps her feet, falls on the floor, cries and throws her head back, and when something is in reach (like her cup), throws it.  She gets over it fairly quickly, but our ignoring it has thus far not dissuaded her from throwing the tantrum to begin with.  It's been clear since early on that she is a strong-willed child with very specific wants.  It seems like she's going to use any tactic available to get them.  Here's hoping we all survive her toddler years.

And she is getting some real words, too.  She says "ball" very clearly and uses it for different kinds of balls.  She's starting to get "book" and tries "dog" and "shoes," but it's only the beginning sound.  She also seems to be trying to say Oliver's name.  The word (sound?) comes out at different times, so I don't know if it's used exclusively for him, but there does seem to be a connection.  About a week ago I went to pick her up from daycare, and when she saw me out in the courtyard, she immediately stood up, turned towards the door to Oliver's room, pointed, and said in kind of a singsongy voice, "O-yeh."  She didn't want picked up; she wanted to go get her brother from the playground, where he usually is when it's time to go home.  If I take her to the car without him there, she'll point at his empty seat with a look of concern on her face and say, "O-yeh?"  Yesterday afternoon, when we left to go get him from daycare, I told her we were going to get Oliver from school.  She kept going to the stairs and pointing up them saying his name.  I guess she thought he was in his room.  So I don't know for sure if she's really attempting his name, but she definitely knows him as a person now and wants to know where he is, too.

Oliver is really into Emmeline these days, too.  He fusses if he doesn't get to eat breakfast with her (because he's spent, I don't know, twenty minutes upstairs putting his clothes on -- or not -- and so missed the chance to join his hungry-as-soon-as-she-wakes-up little sister).  He fusses if they have to take baths separately.  At bedtime, he gives her a hug and a kiss.  They make each other laugh in the car.  They really, actually like each other.  I don't say that to mean they always get along and will have this relationship forever.  But they're finally at the age that there's some kind of legitimate attachment to one another, from both sides.  And it's fun to see them together.  Oliver has always liked to sing, and now Emme really responds to either one of us singing a song she knows.  Favorites include: The Itsy-Bitsy Spider (she'll start trying to do the hand motions) and Ring-around-the-Rosie (only she doesn't realize you're supposed to hold hands and just turns in a circle herself).  Oliver will also do the alphabet song for her, and she obligingly claps when he's done.  It's adorable.

Oliver's language has also otherwise developed.  He likes to try out new words -- with lots of inflection.  Like when he told me Emme was making a complete mess with her milk one day.  Or recently he's talked about he likes gerdening with Grammy Kay.  This weekend they planted some azaleas, and he has a very unique pronunciation for this word.  On Sunday evening, I asked him if he wanted to anything else to eat.  He thought for a moment and then said, "Do you have any more of those turkey samiches?" (since we'd had them for lunch).  Ollie's general knowledge of letters and sounds has gotten better.  He can pretty consistently identify the beginning sounds of words now and I think would do well with some basic phonics instruction.  He can count and does simple math "problems" with Wes using food items or fingers to help him add and subtract.  His hand-eye coordination is improving, though it's not clear whether it will end up closer to mine (broken nose from a softball) or Wes's (semi-pro baseball player).  The thing that I will never totally get over, though, is his memory.  It is sharp.  He has on more than one occasion corrected (politely) something I said, talked about an obscure incident from months past, or made connections between seemingly small details in two very dissimilar situations.  Whereas Emme seems "bright" in her communication, Oliver's smarts stand out the most in how his mind operates to remember things and put them together.

Without question, I am loving this time watching the kids develop.  The un-fun things -- Oliver's unbelievably slow-moving nature, Emme's demanding one -- are but small blips on the fun we have most days.  I'm really looking forward to this summer, when I'll have more time to spend with them and, in the words of Bravo, just watch what happens next.

Just keep growing

My kids.  They just keep growing.  Every time I have a chance to breathe these days, one of them does or says something that reminds me what a constant process it is.   Here are some of the things I've noticed:

Oliver

• Can form a few letters finally.  I've tried several times before to get him to form the letters of his name, but it was just scribbles.  When it came time to do this year's Valentine's cards for his class, I had him write his name on each one.  He got pretty fatigued by the end of about 20 cards, but he could legibly form O-L-I-V.  I had to give him lots of explicit instructions for the E, which never was recognizable, and R was very hard.  But I was really proud of him for trying.  (And on a related note, I must wonder a bit that he was the only one is his room of 16 kids to do so.  Every other Valentine he got, each one a pre-made card, had his name and the kid's name written by the parent.  The kid hadn't even colored anything.  Even last year, when he was 2, I had him put on stickers himself and color the envelope.  I seriously question why the daycare has us do this if the kids are in no way involved.  Okay, vent over.)
• Is probably ready to do a little reading.  I picked up a reading guide suggested by my mommy mentor, Sarabeth, that she used with her kiddos.  We started it for a few days, and while he seemed to be picking up on it fine, I found that I didn't have the ability to be consistent.  I put it away and we're going to start again once my classes are over so that we can make it through the whole book in the way it's intended.  There's no huge advantage to have him reading sooner than later, but I don't see any reason to put it off, either, if he's showing readiness.
• Can count on his fingers and enumerate up to three or four.  He's been able to count up consecutively for several months or more, but he could not enumerate.  He can still only count to maybe four or five, but it's usually correct.
• Is trying to make sense of the world around him.  He has recently said things that make my gender norming radar go off -- about "boys and mans" being good at bouncing a ball but not "ladies and girls" or only him and daddy being allowed to use the sander, but not mommy.  I know part of it is just him reflecting back what he sees, part of it is possibly what he's being socialized to at school and possibly at home, but I also think he's just at the stage to try and lump things together in ways that help simplify the world.  We also have conversations about things that have wings and things that go in the air.  It's fun but also sometimes requires thoughtful responses -- like, "There are lots of ladies and girls that can bounce balls very well, and some boys and mans that don't do it well at all," or "You're right, mommy doesn't usually use the sander these days, but I know how and maybe Emme will, too, when she gets bigger."  I try to keep things kid-friendly.  He knows that the men near the stop lights are selling newspaper, and he always looks for their bags at the corner, but my explanation for why they have them is pretty simple: "They don't have a home like we do where they can leave their things, and so they bring their bags with them."  We'll cover poverty, the causes of homeless's, and social responsibility at, I don't know, maybe four.
• Moved up into a belt-positioning booster seat.  He's a little early for this by TN child restraint laws, but he's as big (or bigger) than plenty of four-year-olds who are, by law, permitted to use such a seat.  He was really getting too big to fit comfortably into the five-restraint harness seat we have, and by moving him up, it was possible to equip both cars to transport both kids.
• Has expanded his movie and television repertoire.  He has now seen Charlotte's Web.  We have thus far avoided any conversations about death -- he was more focused on Templeton and his rotund belly post-fair visit.  He still likes his Winnie the Pooh, The Berenstain Bears, and Sesame Street, but now also really like Scooby Doo.

Emmeline

• Is drinking solely from a sippy cup and eating only table food.  The bottles have all been put away, and I stopped buying baby food.  She usually has dry Cheerios, some banana, and either yogurt or oatmeal for breakfast.  She has lunch at daycare on the weekdays, which they provide, and is the same thing Oliver has for lunch.  Dinner is usually portions of whatever we're eating, with some simple self-feed stuff thrown in.  She absolutely does not like to be fed.  And oddly, she really likes meat.  She'll fuss if she sees the container of deli meat out.  Tonight we had ribs -- Oliver had very little, Emme had a lot.  
• Is really walking well.  She still looks pretty inebriated and falls in the uneven yard or stepping over toys in the living room, but she walks everywhere.  Crawling is occasionally necessary, but not preferred.  She'll take my hand on the uneven terrain and stay up pretty well, and fortunately, she doesn't fuss when she falls.
• Has several hand signs, some gestures, and a few words.  She can sign for "more," "all done," "food," and "please."  We can hear mama, dada, and -- classic -- "up."  In fact, "up" is pretty solid. She still loves to be held or sit in my lap a lot of the time.  Usually she just wants it for a while until she's met some kind of quota, and then she'll willingly go play.  Unfortunately, she often wants held in the morning, when I'm trying to get us out the door, or in the evening around dinnertime.  
• Loves to climb.  A few weeks ago, Wes left her in her room while he put a dirty diaper in the pail, and by the time he got back to her, she was standing on the child's chair in her room, clapping with glee.  She still has to be really well supervised, but she's also learning how to turn around and lower herself off the side of things like the couch.  
• Loves the bath.  Loves, loves, loves it.  Will cry and throw a complete fit if you take her out before she's done.
• Has a temper.  And speaking of a fit, Emme's personality is definitely showing.  And from what she has shown, she's for sure not the laid back, easygoing type that Oliver (for the most part) seems to be.  And that's fine -- all kids are different.  But man is this a different parenting experience.  The boundaries are the same, the lines consistently drawn.  We're just having to enforce them much sooner with her.  I find myself using my "time-out" tone with her -- about throwing goldfish on the floor to a waiting Lucy, for example.  Today, evidently, she threw a fit at lunch about her food.  Her teacher said she just pushed her away from the table and let her fuss, then asked her if she was "all done" with her fit (which Emme responded to), and then pulled her back up and let her resume eating.  As Wes put it, if this is one, I can only imagine what two and three might be like!  The age-old stories about boys being harder when little but easier when older, and girls vice versa, does not seem to be holding in this house.
• Moved up into a forward-facing convertible seat.  Emme likewise outgrew her car seat recently, and moved up (legally) into a forward-facing seat -- the one Oliver previously occupied.  It was hilarious to see her in there the first day, this little bitty thing once filled so completely by brother.  But she's safe and secure and seems to be a little more content.  

There's certainly more than what I've listed here, and I'll add them as I think of them or notice them, but these are some.  It constantly amazes me what they can do and how much more they are interacting in play.  

He said it

Oliver was helping me clean out the cooler from a party we had last night.  I was taking the beer bottles and sodas out so that I could empty out the melted water.  As Oliver took the bottles out, he said several times, "I can't drink beer."  (I'm not sure if someone told him this or he figured it out on his own.  He also notes, from time to time, the the can't drive yet -- because his feet don't reach the pedals.)  And then, making a thoughtful connection, he said, "I don't drink beer, so I don't have a beard.  But daddy does."

Does that mean you're hungry, or that I should steal second?

Oliver's oral language abilities haven't changed much in the last month or two. His receptive language is clearly well developed, and even though he's not speaking recognizable words, he has a lot to say with clear voice inflection. As such, I've been continuing to teach him signs. He knows and can use more, food, please, and banana. We use signs for bath, change, drink, and help with him, but he hasn't signed them back. There are others I want to learn, and I'm trying to decide which once will most help him in being able to express himself before he can use words.

The only problem is that Oliver often uses the sign interchangeably. I'll ask if he's hungry (and do the sign), and he'll sign for more -- even if he's not eating yet. When he's fussy and I ask him what he wants, he signs for food -- even if he's already eaten and probably not really hungry. Sometimes, though, when he's trying to communicate something, especially if he is upset about it, he uses all the signs at once -- food, more, please (while waiting for me to fill up and hand him a sippy cup of water) and then maybe hand clapping. It reminds me of the story a friend told recently about his younger child, now 2 1/2, who stuttered when he first talked because, having talked late, he had a lot formed in his mind before he could say it and it all wanted to come out at once.

Get down, get down...

Just in time for Mother's Day

Oliver started saying "dada." Granted, it's more like "dadadada" and directed at no one and nothing in particular, but still.

The ingrate.