Moving on up

Zola got her "move up" letter at daycare today.  It means that she's ready to move up to the next class, in this case from the infant room to the one-year-old room.  She'll be with Makeda and Anna, who also had Emmeline, and Anna was a teacher in the class Oliver started in with another lead teacher.  They're both lovely women, and they already "borrow" Zola from her current teachers for snack and a little time on the playground.

Zola is definitely ready to move up.  She's walking well, trying to communicate (she signed "please" tonight at dinner and said "more"), and sits up at the table and eat school snacks and lunch.  She'll have to transition to a cot, but other than that, I think it will be an easy transition.  Especially since she already knows and likes the teachers.  The other kids in her current class are all little babies.  Some as young as 8 weeks, but lots of true babies in general.  She needs to be around kids who are a little more advanced in their development to keep moving her along on things like talking.

But I'm glad we started Zola at daycare in the infant room.  We had originally planned to start her in August instead of July and go right for a one-year-old room.  But even as well as she got used to daycare, I think she would have missed a lot by not going to the infant room.  Kendi and Annette are wonderful and really loved on her to help her get used to the center.  They got her using her sippy cup well and even got rid of her pacifier for mid-day naps.  She's very comfortable at daycare now, with any number of teachers (they all come "borrow" her sometimes to carry her around or do her hair; Wes and I say she is the daycare mascot), and I think it's because she felt secure in her own classroom.

One of the things I've loved about the infant room is the long notes they send home about her day.  I think Annette writes a short little blurb, and then Kendi fills the page with all the details.  Here is what we got today:

From Annette, "Today Zola enjoyed outside time riding the boat, playing with pom poms taking them out of a container.  I talked to her about the different sizes of the pom poms and the textures of them.  She also enjoyed playing with the telephone."

From Kendi, "Awesome day!  Full of lovable hugs, laughs, smiles!  Zola and Roy had a good time playing in the treehouse, babbling, giggling to one another and of course squealing.  Too adorable!  Their favorite toys outside are the Pre-K shoes.  She will always go for the pink shoes and carry them to us with that sweet grin.  So adorable!  She played nicely with her friends!  We had children music playing.  She was bouncing up and down to the music, clapping her hands.  Too cute!  We had story time.  I read Whose Baby Is It?, ABC Look At Me, and Farm Animals.  She loves it when we tickle her; then she enjoys tickling the younger babies.  So adorable! Played on the foam blocks and automobiles."

So thankful for a great daycare that has loved and nurtured all three of my kiddos!

Cry baby

She didn't cry the day I met her. She didn't cry the whole way home. But nearly five months after meeting my youngest daughter, I left her crying in the infant room at daycare. For an adoptive momma, it's both a blessing and a curse -- to know that your child now knows you as her first source of comfort and then to take it away and know that it's so confusing for her. Hoping she calms down soon and comes to love the wonderful women who were also Emmeline's first daycare teachers!

The Week of the Young Child Parade

Swan song

Sometime in mid-summer, Emmeline moved up from the infant classroom to the one-year-old room at daycare.  I was a little worried about the move since she was so attached to her infant room teacher, but the promise of twice daily trips to the playground seemed to assuage her.  The move turned out to be really good for us, too, since she naps so much better there.  I wasn't at all reticent for her to move up -- it's just part of the process, and there's something exciting about it -- but like with Oliver's last move, I hated leaving teachers who had been so good for our kid.  Kendi, the lead teacher in the room, had made Emme's transition into daycare seamless, and both she and Annette (who joined the room later on) had really contributed to Emmeline's independent skills and great socialization.  I went in almost every day for the first five months Emme was in daycare -- and pretty consistently thereafter -- so I'd gotten to know both ladies pretty well.  

I was touched that they made Emmeline a framed poem to bid her farewell.  I wanted to make sure I documented it somewhere, which is why I'm finally putting it up here.  I thought it was a sweet touch to mark her move up from being a baby to a big girl room.  

We miss you, Miss Kendi and Miss Annette!

A pretty crappy day

(Back) To School

On her first day

It's that time of year around here.  The school buses are running, there's abundant school supplies out in Target, and I am once again being inconvenienced daily by the militant crossing guards on every side of every school within a ten mile radius of our house.  I have another ten days or so until my first day of classes, and Oliver never really took a summer vacation, save our several road trips, so Emme is the only one who has really "started" school this week.  She made it through her first five days in daycare quite well, and I even seem to have survived the ordeal without any mental breakdown.  She's attending the same daycare as Oliver in one of the three infant rooms.  Her teacher is one who had shown a lot of interest in her as she came and went with me to drop off and pick up Oliver the last few months, so that was nice.  There are seven or eight kids in her room on any given day, and Emme is the second or third youngest.

It turned out to be a good time to start her.  She's recently become much more interested in watching her surroundings and especially the people in them.  She's a much more content baby now that she can roll and crawl so well, and the fact that she gets picked up less (as a result of her ability to move herself) means she's spitting up less.  She hasn't really hit a point of obvious separation anxiety and never cried when I left her this week.  And she has also been excited to see me when I go to pick her up, which is wonderful.  Oliver loves helping drop her off in the morning and pick her up in the afternoon.  Natalee, Emme's teacher, always asks Oliver if she can come back the next day.  He said "no" the first time, but "yes" since then.

Ollie and I found this tractor when we were wandering
around campus waiting for Emme to wake up
one afternoon.

Emme and the other babies usually play in the morning.  Now that she's settled into a regular nap schedule (amidst the noise and lights and other kids that inhabit the room while she naps), she sleeps for about 45-60 minutes between 9:30-10:30AM.  She gets some baby food around 11:45, and then the whole room goes down for a nap around 12:30.  The first few days she hardly slept -- the first day maybe just an hour total -- but by Thursday her second nap was almost three hours.  As an added bonus, she's now going down for naps and bedtime (always in her crib -- no more swing in our room now that the temperatures have dropped a bit and the upstairs isn't so hot) without a peep, either because she's so tired or because she so appreciates the dark, quiet room.  She has gone down as early as 6:30 some evenings, and has slept long and pretty soundly all week.  I think we got one night straight through (maybe 7:00PM until 5:30AM, then she nursed and slept until 8AM), but most nights she still up once.  I'm hoping that in the next month or two that will change, but I'm not prepared to do anything about it right now.

I wouldn't say there is a "good part" of daycare beyond the necessity for it -- it provides a safe, nurturing environment in my absence so that I can attend school and do my work --, but the best part of her being where she is is that I can go visit.  I never did this with Oliver because I worked off campus and couldn't regularly visit.  And the one time I did have lunch with him (during a week when parents were invited), he and the other kids cried so much upon our leaving without them that I never tried again.  I could, and might, now, since I could prepare him for it and explain what was going to happen.  But since I'm on campus full time now and can be consistent, I've decided to visit Emme daily if possible at least until she moves up to the next room.  I go between 11:30 and 11:45, usually help feed her some baby food, nurse her if she wants it, and play with her for a little bit.  I stay around thirty minutes, then give her one more kiss and leave.  I'd like to think it helps keep her calm and happy as she gets ready for her nap, and I love the break from work.  Even if I'm frustrated at work, I can just enjoy being with her for a few extra minutes.

There will be some difficult times to come -- she hasn't been sick yet but is sure to pick up something soon and need to stay home, she will eventually have a few days or weeks or fussing when dropped off, I will feel guilty for being away from her on the long days -- but so far, it's going well.  Oliver continues to thrive, now in the three-year-old room.  He's learned to use scissors, gets to play on the "big boy" playground with a slide and swings, and does learning centers each day.  His new teachers love him as much as the last ones did, and he's in with some kids he knows and some that are new to us.  The daycare director joked the other day that they like repeat business (siblings get preference to the center), and added kindly, "Especially your kids."  I would like to think that Wes and I are primarily responsible for how well Ollie is doing so far, but I know that a lot of it is from things he's learned and experienced at daycare.  And so I'm thanks for that, too, and hoping the same is true for all our kids.

"Mama go?"

This semester, since I have a full day of classes on Wednesday, Wes is in charge of Oliver for the day.  He gets him up, to daycare, and home in the evening.  We've done this for two weeks now, and both weeks I got the same story upon returning home just before Oliver's bedtime.  Wes wakes him up in the morning, and Oliver walks around all morning, upset, hands up in the air, saying "Mama go?" and looking for me.  He's not upset when Wes picks him up from daycare, though he is awfully excited to see me when I get home at night.  Wes has tried to explain to him "Mama's at work" or "Mama's at school," but neither of those really make sense to him.  "Dada" goes to work (in fact, that was one of his first phrases: "Dada work," the only alternative to which is "Dada bed") and Oliver goes to school, but Mama does neither of these things -- until recently (though I've done both in his lifetime.  He just wasn't old enough to process it).

Wes is trying to take advantage of this issue to make Oliver a little less dependent on me for his sense of security and a little more accepting of him.  Oliver routinely will seek me out over Wes when he is hungry, wet or poopy, sick, sleepy, or just generally in need or want of something.  Wes is LOTS of fun to play with, and Oliver will mimic his every move, but he's not the one that supplies the routine to the day.  It's not a matter of me running to comfort him when he's hurt whereas Wes lets himself dust himself off.  In fact, we're pretty similar in our tendency to stand back in those situations (though I'm certainly more responsive to his needs, but that's Wes's tendency with everything in our home life, not just Ollie).  I think Wes realizes that with the new baby coming, Ollie is going to need to understand the idea of mom not being able to do everything he needs, at least not right away, and that dad might be a suitable alternative.

It's nice to feel wanted.  It's perhaps one of the most wonderful parts of motherhood -- having this thing that completely and totally needs you and, as it grows older, starts to realize that.  It's part of what makes it hard to let go and give your kid more independence, though that's wonderful in its own way, helping them develop that skill and knowing you were part of it.  This next year will be an experience in both, and it's nice to have Wes so very much committed to making it easier for me.

Where everybody knows your name

Week one of daycare is done, and it's more or less going as I expected it would. Monday morning I took him over, talked to the teacher briefly about his feeding habits ("Umm, he eats a lot. Of everything."), and left him sitting in a seat at the table and poking the little boy next to him. He seemed a little stunned, but okay. When I picked him up in the afternoon, he was fine, but very happy to see me. The teachers said he wasn't really interested in breakfast and had only gotten lunch shortly before I picked him up (around 3:30pm). Not eating -- hmm, not a good sign.

On Tuesday, Wes came with me to drop him off. Oliver obviously knew where we were and what was about to happen. He started to pout (the infamous bottom lip at work) but seemed to hold it together. Wednesday he stayed home with us as I had the morning free and Wes the afternoon. On Thursday, I took Ollie in and put him in his seat at the table, and he immediately started crying for me. I picked him back up and talked to him until his teacher was able to take him. He cried when she did, but she was talking to him as I left to help calm him down.

By Friday he was starting to do a little better. I took him in, and since the teachers were busy with other little ones, I sat and played with Ollie for a few minutes until he would leave me voluntarily. There's a duck toy on wheels with a pull string on it that he evidently loves, so I got him engaged with that. I gave him a kiss and said goodbye. He started crying as soon as I took off and crawled after me. One of his teachers scooped him up, though, and he had stopped crying by the time I got my shoes back on just outside the door to his room.

Pickup is a similar story in reverse order. When I go in, I can see him playing with a toy, another kid, or the teacher, but when I say his name and call him over, he smiles at me and then bursts into tears until I pick him up. His regular teacher, Theresa, said he spent a lot of time in his crib the first few days. She said he'd fuss to get in it, and then just stand in it and watch everything. But by Friday she said he was just getting in it to nap and was playing more on the floor. He's eating well for them again, though we're doing breakfast at home for now to make the transition at drop-off less difficult. And evidently, he's even started showing some of his personality. Everyone tries to get him to smile for them -- it seems everyone in the center knows his name and greets him when he arrives and farewells him when I'm taking him home. On Friday he was wearing a onesie and a pair of pants since it was a bit cooler. When I picked him up, he only had his onesie on, but I figured it was just easier to change him with them off. Evidently, Oliver took off his own pants and was swinging them over his head.

I continue to struggle with the heartache I feel when I leave him, countered by the fulfillment I have being back at school and at work. I'm only the millionth mother to go through this, I know, but it doesn't make it any easier. For now, I'm content that he seems like he's slowly getting used to the place. His teachers seem super nice, he's getting fed on schedule, and he's in a clean diaper when I pick him up (which has been at various times of the day). I'm hoping that if we get a spot at the university's daycare, it comes around the time he'd be scheduled to move out of the infant room at his current one (I think once he starts walking).

Oh, and we've already brought home our first souvenir from daycare: everyone in our house has a cold.

Day-care or pre-school

I recently flipped through a documentary on one of the Showtime networks about elite New York City families applying to preschools. I only saw about thirty minutes of the show, but what I saw lived up to the stories I heard in Chicago about getting kids into preschools -- school visits, interviews, applications and application fees -- sounds more like college than preschool.

I haven't had this experience in Nashville, of course, but I have encountered a problem of a similar sort -- very long wait lists at all of the desirable schools. The childcare available through the hospital is supposed to be very good, very affordable, and for me and Wes, very well located (right on campus near the hospital and Peabody). The wait list there is 9 months to a year. We've been on it three, maybe four months. The list lady said there's a small chance we'll get in for the spring. Many schools in Nashville, especially a lot of the church centers, don't take children Oliver's age or only offer care from 9am to 3pm. A Montessori school nearby has a wait that is 1-2 years and costs over $10,000 for the school year. There are other centers that are affordable, look good, and have spots open, but they're in the opposite direction of campus, which means we're driving at rush hour, morning and afternoon, through heavy traffic. Suddenly the fact that we can get to work and school in under five minutes doesn't matter.

So at some point I gave up looking for "pre-school" and just looked for "day-care." Do I wish the teachers at the school were all highly trained and experts on my child's intellectual development? Sure. But I'll take a center that's safe and loving and cares about my kid's happiness. So we found a center very close by, very affordable. It caters to a lower-income bracket, which makes for a much more mixed racial and ethnic clientele -- something I really like about the place. I'm glad for Oliver to be amongst all kinds of people, racially, ethnically, linguistically, economically. It's something we loved about Chicago, something we're more conscious about in our circle of friends, and something we want to be intentional about with our child (makes sense this is part of what I'm studying in my program).

So Oliver will not be attending, as one program billed itself, "the Princeton of preschools." But hopefully he'll be happy, meet some other fun kids to play with, and I'll be able to pick him up very soon after my day is done so we can spend plenty of mommy and Ollie time together. And that might be the best part.