The third, or about Zola

I have a special connection with each of my children because of who they are in the family.  Oliver is my firstborn, which means all of my firsts as a mom were with him.  Emme is the big sister, like I am in my family.  And Zola is the third child, also like me in my family.  And so I will hope she will forgive me that I have done such a poor job documenting her first few months on the blog.  Part of that is that, well, I now have three children.  Life is busy.  Part is that it’s been a different kind of transition, and I didn’t feel I was doing as good a job transitioning her into our family as I did with the first two.  And in my stew, I hesitated to write anything down that might suggest her addition to our family was anything was seamless.  But now that things are more settled I will attempt to document as much as I can – and keep up from here on out.

Zola is ten months now.  She’s been with me for over five months, home for four and a half, and in my arms for almost as long as she was out of them.  She’s definitely attached to us, all of us, and I would say I know her pretty well, though as with all young children, I’m learning more every day.  She seems to be developing normally and is ahead of her siblings in some fine and gross motor skills.  She learned to sit well around six months.  She was rolling to get to things within a few weeks of that.  And shortly thereafter, around seven-and-a-half or eight months, had developed a crawl that allowed her to get around pretty well on our wood and stone floors.  She was truly crawling at nine months, but does so with her left foot and right knee.  When she’s on rough or uneven terrain, she crab walks.  She seems like she really wants to just stand up and walk, but we’re probably another month or more away, though she can now hold my hand and walk along next to me pretty well.  She still does this funny three-point sit on her hip with her legs over each other and one arm in the air.  It’s truly a Zola pose that she did from early on.  She learned to pull herself up around eight months and now cruises some around the furniture.  Her daycare teacher said she stood up and stayed upright for several seconds last week.  And last month she crawled up our stairs from the sunroom to the kitchen, though she doesn’t know how to go down them – safely anyway.  Fortunately, she seems to now realize their danger and usually sits at the top and fusses.

As far as personality, Zola is a bit of a mix.  She is really happy and sweet when she’s not tired or hungry or wanting someone to pick her up.  When she is any of those things, she can be very fussy and loud, and her cries are particularly painful.  She has a whine that drives me bonkers and I really hope goes away when she learns to talk.  I’m trying to teach her some signs now – mostly “more” and “food/eat” and “please.”  Zola has always been a very curious baby.  She watches people very closely, stares even.  When she’s in the back carrier, she’ll lean over hard to one side to see around me at whatever is the focus of my attention.  She likes textures, always wanting to touch everything and run things through her fingers.  She’s a toddler, and like most, loves to put things in her mouth, but with a zeal I’ve never seen before.  She’s extremely determined – to get to the one thing you’re trying to keep her away from, for example – and she cries when I tell her “no” too sharply or take what she wants.  But in general, she’s a happy baby when she’s not unhappy.  She’s got this hilarious belly laugh that comes out when she gets giggling really hard.  She loves being with her siblings and is usually pretty content if being held or carried by me or Wes.  She seems to know her grandmothers well enough not to fuss for them now.  And she’s more or less adjusted to daycare in her first five days.  She cried hard the first two days at dropoff but calmed down after I left.  The third day she didn’t fuss at all, and the last two days it’s just been a little wail when I walked out the door.  It was both a blessing and a curse to see her cry as I left.  I hated that she was so sad, but it also meant that she knew me as her mom. She didn’t cry once when she left her foster mother.  She smiled at me, and she was happy with me thereafter.  And it wasn’t for a lack of attention from her foster family, as they clearly loved her very much.  But Zola seemed to adjust very quickly to her life with me and in our family, perhaps even faster than we did to her.

Zola is still a thick baby, and while I think she’ll eventually thin out a bit, I don’t doubt she’ll always have a fuller figure than Emme.  It’s just how she’s made.  She does seem a bit more trim as she’s moving so much more.  She eats very well, though, and after waning a bit after learning to crawl, her appetite is once again pretty big.  She has breakfast, lunch, and dinner with table food and some baby food that she can self-feed, and then two 6-8-ounce bottles mid-morning and mid-afternoon.  She does really well with table food and seems to prefer it to the baby purees (though I mostly use them to get her lots of fruit and vegetables).  She can drink from a sippy cup but doesn’t hesitate to hold it upside down and let water or juice drip out, so it’s still just at the table.  She can drink from a straw, so I’ll give her yogurt smoothies or sips of my water that way.  She still has an unnatural attachment to her bottles. She freaks out when she sees one and will not calm down until it’s in her hands.  She’s been able to hold her own bottle pretty well since around six months if lying on her back, but now she can also drink the whole thing sitting up.  She almost always cries when it’s gone.  It’s the one thing I – whether at all true or not – think is somehow connected to her experiences in Congo – of being hungry and just not having enough. 

The other thing Zola loves to do – and is painful without – is sleep.  There are days when she still sleeps as much as a newborn.  When she first came home she would take naps on and off throughout the day without too much of a schedule.  She was up several times at night for a bottle until she really started eating baby food.  With some effort (swing + pacifier + letting her fuss and hoping she’d go back to sleep), I got her down to one middle-of-the-night bottle, and when my mom kept her while I was at a conference in Caly, she got rid of that feed, too.  We tried having her sleep lots of different places – in the cosleeper, in the cosleeper in the master closet, in her crib in the girls’ room, in a playpen in our room, in a playpen in the basement bedroom – and eventually found that she and I sleep best when she is in the basement bedroom.  She might be fine back upstairs now, but I’m hesitant to try it out for fear of upsetting her routine.  Downstairs, she sleeps in a perfectly dark, quiet, cool room without anyone interrupting her.  Upstairs she would go to sleep but inevitably be woken by the older two going to bed themselves.  Or she would wake in the middle of the night for a 20-minute chat (with herself?) while I lay awake in bed waiting for her to go back to sleep.  There was definitely more crying involved in getting into our final routine, but now that it’s done, I don’t regret it.  I think she would have kept waking up to eat as long as I let her.  And I’ve never found anything that helps her fall asleep when she’s fighting it.  Holding or rocking her calms her down, but it doesn’t help her sleep.  At this point it’s not an issue, though, and she usually lies down, head down on the mattress, butt up in the air, just waiting for a blanket.  She likes one to stay warm but also to hold in her hand while she’s asleep.  Since starting daycare, she’s definitely  more tired in the evenings.  She went from about four hours of nap per day to 1 ½.  We’ve been putting her to bed earlier at night and letting her nap a lot on the days she’s home, but overall she’s adjusted to the shorter naps pretty well.  I think that, like with Emme when she was in the infant room, there’s just too much going on during naptime for her to sleep outside the midday one.

Like with Oliver and Emme, Wes has given Zola any number of nicknames.  She’s usually Z or Big Z, but she’s also Squeezy, which seems to fit her.  She knows her name and will turn her head when called – if there’s not something more interesting nearby.  More than anything, she is uniquely her own.  As much as Oliver and Emmeline are distinct personalities, Zola is yet another that is unlike either of theirs.  She’s loud.  She loves to talk.  She loves people and being with them.  I don’t see her being as shy as either Oliver or Emmeline are as toddlers and preschoolers.  She’s not quiet like Ollie, but she’s not reckless like Emme, either.  She has the single-minded focus that Oliver sometimes has, but the stubbornness that Emmeline does.  Every day reminds me that’s changing, though.  It took months – and listening to at least a  hundred different people tell me, “Looks like her top teeth are about to come in” – for her top teeth to emerge.  But now they’re there, and she has an adorable gap between them.  And she got two more bottom teeth at the same time.  Her hair has grown in around the back, making it necessary for me to once again consult websites about easy baby hairstyles for African hair.  If Zola has taught me one thing in her few months home, it’s that just because she’s the third doesn’t mean I don’t have lots still to learn about being a mom.

Just keep growing

My kids.  They just keep growing.  Every time I have a chance to breathe these days, one of them does or says something that reminds me what a constant process it is.   Here are some of the things I've noticed:

Oliver

• Can form a few letters finally.  I've tried several times before to get him to form the letters of his name, but it was just scribbles.  When it came time to do this year's Valentine's cards for his class, I had him write his name on each one.  He got pretty fatigued by the end of about 20 cards, but he could legibly form O-L-I-V.  I had to give him lots of explicit instructions for the E, which never was recognizable, and R was very hard.  But I was really proud of him for trying.  (And on a related note, I must wonder a bit that he was the only one is his room of 16 kids to do so.  Every other Valentine he got, each one a pre-made card, had his name and the kid's name written by the parent.  The kid hadn't even colored anything.  Even last year, when he was 2, I had him put on stickers himself and color the envelope.  I seriously question why the daycare has us do this if the kids are in no way involved.  Okay, vent over.)
• Is probably ready to do a little reading.  I picked up a reading guide suggested by my mommy mentor, Sarabeth, that she used with her kiddos.  We started it for a few days, and while he seemed to be picking up on it fine, I found that I didn't have the ability to be consistent.  I put it away and we're going to start again once my classes are over so that we can make it through the whole book in the way it's intended.  There's no huge advantage to have him reading sooner than later, but I don't see any reason to put it off, either, if he's showing readiness.
• Can count on his fingers and enumerate up to three or four.  He's been able to count up consecutively for several months or more, but he could not enumerate.  He can still only count to maybe four or five, but it's usually correct.
• Is trying to make sense of the world around him.  He has recently said things that make my gender norming radar go off -- about "boys and mans" being good at bouncing a ball but not "ladies and girls" or only him and daddy being allowed to use the sander, but not mommy.  I know part of it is just him reflecting back what he sees, part of it is possibly what he's being socialized to at school and possibly at home, but I also think he's just at the stage to try and lump things together in ways that help simplify the world.  We also have conversations about things that have wings and things that go in the air.  It's fun but also sometimes requires thoughtful responses -- like, "There are lots of ladies and girls that can bounce balls very well, and some boys and mans that don't do it well at all," or "You're right, mommy doesn't usually use the sander these days, but I know how and maybe Emme will, too, when she gets bigger."  I try to keep things kid-friendly.  He knows that the men near the stop lights are selling newspaper, and he always looks for their bags at the corner, but my explanation for why they have them is pretty simple: "They don't have a home like we do where they can leave their things, and so they bring their bags with them."  We'll cover poverty, the causes of homeless's, and social responsibility at, I don't know, maybe four.
• Moved up into a belt-positioning booster seat.  He's a little early for this by TN child restraint laws, but he's as big (or bigger) than plenty of four-year-olds who are, by law, permitted to use such a seat.  He was really getting too big to fit comfortably into the five-restraint harness seat we have, and by moving him up, it was possible to equip both cars to transport both kids.
• Has expanded his movie and television repertoire.  He has now seen Charlotte's Web.  We have thus far avoided any conversations about death -- he was more focused on Templeton and his rotund belly post-fair visit.  He still likes his Winnie the Pooh, The Berenstain Bears, and Sesame Street, but now also really like Scooby Doo.

Emmeline

• Is drinking solely from a sippy cup and eating only table food.  The bottles have all been put away, and I stopped buying baby food.  She usually has dry Cheerios, some banana, and either yogurt or oatmeal for breakfast.  She has lunch at daycare on the weekdays, which they provide, and is the same thing Oliver has for lunch.  Dinner is usually portions of whatever we're eating, with some simple self-feed stuff thrown in.  She absolutely does not like to be fed.  And oddly, she really likes meat.  She'll fuss if she sees the container of deli meat out.  Tonight we had ribs -- Oliver had very little, Emme had a lot.  
• Is really walking well.  She still looks pretty inebriated and falls in the uneven yard or stepping over toys in the living room, but she walks everywhere.  Crawling is occasionally necessary, but not preferred.  She'll take my hand on the uneven terrain and stay up pretty well, and fortunately, she doesn't fuss when she falls.
• Has several hand signs, some gestures, and a few words.  She can sign for "more," "all done," "food," and "please."  We can hear mama, dada, and -- classic -- "up."  In fact, "up" is pretty solid. She still loves to be held or sit in my lap a lot of the time.  Usually she just wants it for a while until she's met some kind of quota, and then she'll willingly go play.  Unfortunately, she often wants held in the morning, when I'm trying to get us out the door, or in the evening around dinnertime.  
• Loves to climb.  A few weeks ago, Wes left her in her room while he put a dirty diaper in the pail, and by the time he got back to her, she was standing on the child's chair in her room, clapping with glee.  She still has to be really well supervised, but she's also learning how to turn around and lower herself off the side of things like the couch.  
• Loves the bath.  Loves, loves, loves it.  Will cry and throw a complete fit if you take her out before she's done.
• Has a temper.  And speaking of a fit, Emme's personality is definitely showing.  And from what she has shown, she's for sure not the laid back, easygoing type that Oliver (for the most part) seems to be.  And that's fine -- all kids are different.  But man is this a different parenting experience.  The boundaries are the same, the lines consistently drawn.  We're just having to enforce them much sooner with her.  I find myself using my "time-out" tone with her -- about throwing goldfish on the floor to a waiting Lucy, for example.  Today, evidently, she threw a fit at lunch about her food.  Her teacher said she just pushed her away from the table and let her fuss, then asked her if she was "all done" with her fit (which Emme responded to), and then pulled her back up and let her resume eating.  As Wes put it, if this is one, I can only imagine what two and three might be like!  The age-old stories about boys being harder when little but easier when older, and girls vice versa, does not seem to be holding in this house.
• Moved up into a forward-facing convertible seat.  Emme likewise outgrew her car seat recently, and moved up (legally) into a forward-facing seat -- the one Oliver previously occupied.  It was hilarious to see her in there the first day, this little bitty thing once filled so completely by brother.  But she's safe and secure and seems to be a little more content.  

There's certainly more than what I've listed here, and I'll add them as I think of them or notice them, but these are some.  It constantly amazes me what they can do and how much more they are interacting in play.  

Steps in the right direction

Emme took her first steps today.  She's been teetering for days, on the brink, but today we saw definitive steps.  Since her last follow-up appointment with the plastic surgeon, we've been able to make the wrap on her foot very thin.  I can get a regular sock over it and even a shoe on, though it doesn't fit very well.  Since then, she's been standing much better.  In the last day, I've seen her stand up in the middle of the floor without pulling up on anything, so I knew she was really close.  Because she's not totally steady on her feet yet, I think we'll have a few weeks of a few steps and then falls before she's really up and walking well, but it's just amazing to see this tiny little girl up on her feet.  I can tell she's excited, too, and ready to take off running!

We've hit a few more milestones recently, too.  She's started signing.  She definitely knows "more," kind of signs for "all done," and it starting to learn "food."  She says "mama" and "dada," usually with meaning, and has a version of "all done" that I hear now and then.  She can drink from a sippy cup, though it's pretty messy.  We'll be phasing out the bottle by the end of the week, offering it for a few more days just until she gets completely used to the cup.  She's also started drinking cow's milk now, and she seems to like it as much if not more than my break milk.  Emme eats "school lunch" now -- they supplement some baby food if she doesn't get enough, and we're basically doing the same thing at home.  She eats whole wheat crackers, goldfish, Cheerios, Cheetos, pieces of cheese, peas, carrots, green beans, small pieces of bread.  Tonight she had some of the white chicken chili that I made for dinner -- jalapeño and all!  It's a very messy process, letting little people learn to feed themselves, but it certainly makes for an easier mealtime.  Besides, Emme has always been so independent, she much prefer to feed herself.

I have only a few more days of time with this "baby" as she will be one, and a true toddler, on Friday.  With the semester starting tomorrow, it's hard not to think back to a year ago, about to start my classes and still pregnant, wondering when the little one would finally come.  I can't help but be nostalgic for those new baby days, but I wouldn't go back if I could -- this past year with her has been so much fun.  She is such a happy little girl, full of energy and spunk, and her presence in our family has brought out new sides of Wes and Oliver.  I can only imagine what more the next year will bring with her in our lives.

Just carryin' on an old family tradition

Last night, Wes worked a shift that ended at 3am, but thanks to a variety of circumstances, he didn't get home until after 6am, so I decided to get the kids out of the house so that he could sleep.  Oliver was up at 7am, and somehow, we were out the door by 8:30 and off to the Cracker Barrel.  The Cracker Barrel is something of a family tradition for us.  My family didn't do a lot of vacationing, but we did make some long road trips to my grandparents' farm, many of which included stops for breakfast at the Cracker Barrel. My sister and I have always loved their french toast and hot chocolate -- especially when it used to come in a little pot instead of in the mug -- and compare other restaurants' french toast to theirs.  My sister's husband worked there for some time and is a fan of their croutons.  And the Cracker Barrel where we ate this morning is the very same place we had our first meal after moving to Nashville.  It's next to the hotel where we stayed the first night in town while waiting to close on the house.  Ollie and I have carried on the family tradition by eating at Cracker Barrels on our own road trips.  So this morning, Emme made her first trip, too.

I had the french toast and hot chocolate (which I shared).  Oliver had a Wild Maine Blueberry Pancake with orange juice (which he shared).  Emme slept in her stroller.  I made the mistake (intentionally -- I knew he would love it!) of taking Oliver to the John Deere section of the shop area.  He went crazy when he saw all the tractor t-shirts.  My mom got him one for Christmas, and he asks to wear it every single day. I didn't want to get him another t-shirt as he has plenty of clothes, so instead we found him a hat with an adjustable band so that it will fit for awhile.  He peed in the potty and rocked briefly in the rocking chair on the way out.  All in all, it was a nice breakfast and trip out, and I felt proud of myself for coralling everybody and everything by myself to get us in and out without a catastrophe.  May there be more mornings like this!

Slurp

Jelly