Mommy and Me

Because I have so few pictures of me with my son. The bags under my eyes are, of course, courtesy of him...

On pumping

Several friends of mine emailed me this week to let me know about an article in a recent New Yorker on the topic of the breast pump and the phenomenon of pumping. One friend was kind enough to forward me the electronic link, as she's a subscriber, and I took her advice and read the article, yes, while pumping at work.

I got my Medela Freestyle -- a small but costly device -- with all of the other baby paraphernalia well before Oliver was born. On the one hand, it kind of saved my butt -- or breasts, I guess -- since I had such a hard time getting him to nurse. On the other hand, would I have persisted more in getting him latched, despite frustrations, if it hadn't been available? Like so many things in childrearing, it's hard to know as I can't go back and do it again. It did make me feel better to get him off the formula as quickly as possible and onto all breastmilk, even though it was through a bottle. And I did persist with the breastfeeding, as it's a far cry more convenient, in my opinion, than pumping and bottling.

The author of the article seemed to be focused on the conflation of the terms breastfeeding (or nursing) and feeding a baby breastmilk. Thanks to the popularity and accessibility of affordable breastpumps, these two things are no longer one and the same. The author's message, however, remains a bit of a mystery to me. Perhaps I'm just not a strong enough reader, but I often get lost in New Yorker articles -- they just go all over the place. The author aruges at one point that the benefits of breastfeeding have to do with "cuddling your baby" or that they come from "smiling and cuddling," but acknowledges in the same paragraph that this is "stuff that people who aren't breast-feeding can give babies, too." The author notes how odd it is that breast pumps are used as a way to encourage breastfeeding, since you don't need the former to do the latter. Said author acknowledges in the same article, though, that a breast pump is essential for women who can't be or choose not to be tethered to their infant 24/7 for the duration of breastfeeding (for most women, just a few months, but for others 6-12 months or even more). For those of us who work outside the home -- or any woman who wants to get out on her own for a few hours -- a breast pump is a necessary evil. It's dreadfully boring and tedious to pump, and it's annoying to constantly be washing pump pieces and bottles, but it's nice to be able to assuage some of the guilt one feels in returning to work. The author further argues that in some cases breast pumps encourage women to pump and bottle rather than nurse. To this, I would respond, 1) where is the data for that?and 2) so what? If women choose to do this, isn't that okay? The author herself concedes that the bonding-through-feeding can happen breast or not, and if this method encourages women to serve up "the medical science of human milk," as she calls it, then great! Not every woman finds breastfeeding the "womanly art" that LLLC markets it as. I'll admit to a few blissful moments of staring down at Ollie while he eats, but for the most part, I nurse because it's more convenient for me than pumping all the time and because, based on what I've read, it offers health benefits that formula cannot replicate.

The author of the article seems to suggest that the real solution to getting women to nurse longer, without the contraptions, is at-work childcare centers or longer maternity leave. Of course, with the state of economy what it is, I hardly think this is going to happen for any time soon. For now, the book closet at the back of my classroom and fifteen minutes a morning with my Medela will have to suffice.

His Highness' High Chair

Oliver's high chair came in the mail yesterday, and he's now a man on the ready for rice cereal. We have the cereal mix, some little bowls, the spoons that change color if they're too hot for a baby's mouth, and now a chair with a plastic cushion. The only thing is, I don't think we're ready for the cereal. Wes and I keep waffling about whether or not to go ahead and start him. He's only 4 1/2 months, and a lot of pediatriciacians recommend to wait until the full 6 months if the baby seems satisfied on just breast milk. How to know if he's satisfied is another question. I kept track of his eating for a day or two, and he's eating a 7 oz. bottle or nursing for 30-40 minutes every 3-4 hours. This includes at night. The long stretches of sleep we enjoyed over Christmas -- six or seven hours on more than one occasion, followed by another four or five -- are gone. The slate got wiped clean when he was sick and I was constantly up and down. Now we're back to eating every 3 hours, which is leaving me really tired by the end of the week. I have learned to let him settle himself in some situations. If it's only been an hour or two and I hear him up, I wait to see if the fussing becomes more insistent and plaintive, and usually it doesn't and he just drifts back off.

For now, I'm happy that we're all 98% healthy in the house (not including the dog, who's been vomiting around the apartment today...) -- just some stuffy noses here and there, thanks to the permanently sub-20 degree weather in our Chicago winter.

The cereal will come. It may not make him sleep any longer at night, but it will be fun to see.

Crib notes

I took down the co-sleeper today. I know that when Wes comes home, he will comment on it. It is, like everything else in Oliver's life, something a little sad and also exciting. Oliver is sleeping in his crib full time now. I waited to take down the co-sleeper until he'd been in there for a full week, with no early morning sneaking back into our room. And even though he's sick, Oliver's stayed either in his crib or in bed with me, sitting up, for the full week now, so away went the co-sleeper, banished to its carrying case under the crib (no fung shui for Ollie). It was just in the way at this point, giving me a place to put my sweatshirt and slippers and the book I'm reading and making it hard to get in and out of bed on that side.

While it's great that Oliver is in the crib -- I am, with the exception of the last few nights, getting a bit more sleep as a consequence, it is also another indicator that our "little guy" is getting older. He's still a baby, no mistake about that, but he's growing up, if in small ways. Many people keep their kids in their room for up to a year, but that wasn't the choice we made, and we're okay with that. Our apartment is only so big, and I can still hear him coo and fuss and, when congested enough, even breathe.

Nobody tells you that the growing pains people talk about aren't for the kid but the parents.

Getting to know you

Lucy and Oliver are becoming increasingly aware of each other. Lucy has become more and more interested in Oliver over time -- and recently, in his friend Jack (our sitter's son) and Ollie's toys, namely the squeaky blocks. Oliver started tracking Lucy, watching her walk around the living room, and in the last few days has started to smile at her when she looks at him. Today they spent some quality time together on the monkey mat. Ollie was down there squirming, and Lucy took advantage of my lack of oversight to join him there. It wasn't long before Lucy started to check him out and Oliver reciprocated.

The encounter was going well enough until Oliver, in his excitement, began waving his arms around, whacking Lucy in the head. Lucy wasn't mad, but she did start to think about chewing on his fingers and pawing at his head. At which point we ended the interaction.

It will be fun to see the two of them start to play with each other as Lucy gets older. Jack, who is several months older and mobile, is great with Lucy and understands how to pat her gently. Lucy likes to get in the boys' faces. She doesn't always lick but her snout is right up in their grill, so to speak. We're trying to encourage the interest whilst discouraging the...closeness.

On strike

Oliver is currently on a nursing strike. His major complaint, I assume, is the difficulty breathing caused by the croup. He's getting all his nutrients from a bottle right now, but I'm hoping that once he's feeling better he'll go back to the breast. All the pumping and storing and heating and washing is exhausting (and drying out my hands something fierce). If not, I don't know if he starts picketing or we go to collective bargaining or what. Anyone had experience with this?

Sick

It's hard to tell from looking at him, but Oliver is officially sick for the first time. He has what Wes believes is the croup, but at the very least is a nasty cold. He has a mid-grade fever, a runny nose, and a nasty barking cough that is classic of the croup. He's been in pretty good spirits all things considered, but he's obviously uncomfortable and cries when I try and clean out his nose. His appetite is somewhat diminished, and he's pretty tired. Fortunately he's done okay at night.

For now we're listening to make sure his breathing doesn't speed up and he doesn't develop a stridor -- two indicators that he needs to see a doctor. Wes is working all weekend this weekend, so it's me and Ollie hanging out and trying to stay warm -- sometimes hard to do when I have to take the dog out (though one website said that those brief outings can help with any swelling in his airways). His cough is the worst -- just so hacking, and I don't know what to do for it. We don't have a humidifier, but we do put him in his carseat in the bathroom when we shower and let him nap in the carseat as it helps to keep him upright.

Thankfully I have a long weekend this weekend, so I can be with him and monitor how he's doing. If he's still nasty by Wednesday, Wes and I will split the workday so that our sitter doesn't expose her son to him. For now, lots of hugs and cuddles and Kleenex!

Off switch for the mobile

If that mobile turns on one more time in the middle of the night, the cow gets it. (And yes, that is a bottle cap taped over the on/off switch.)

You big baby

Oliver had his four-month check-up on Monday. He is 16 lbs., 3 ozs. (75th %tile, which is consistent from birth), 26 inches long (90th %tile, which is a leap from his 2 month apopintment). He has a big head -- a lot bigger than before, in fact -- his percentile went from 25th to 75th, which Wes says it's not supposed to do, but the pediatrician insists in normal at this age. It all seems proportional to me.

After checking out the pediatrician, Oliver flashed some of his best smiles to win her over. It wasn't enough, however, to keep her from sending in the nurse with another rotovirus oral vaccine and four shots. He screamed, as expected, but was pretty easily consoled with hugs and kisses from mom.

On lactation

I am proud of the fact that I am taking the time and making the effort to breastfeed, and I plan to do so for as long as it's reasonable. But I have to say, nursing, though it at times makes me feel bonded with my baby, very often makes me feel like other things. Many a woman has made the comparison between the electric breast pump I use each day and those used on dairy farms. This comparison is particularly true when you use, as I do, a hands-free device (Have you ever washed dishes while expressing milk?).

Last night, as I lay in bed nursing Oliver for the umpteenth time, drifting off with my breast still hanging out, I sensed another comparison. These marathon midnight sessions, rare though they are, make me feel less like an all-you-can-eat buffet (after all, there's only one item on the menu) and more like a free-refills soda station. If you just sit there all day with your 99 cent paper cup, you can have a little more, and a little more, and a little more...

Ollie's Journal, Weeks 13-16

Things I did:

1. Learned to grab things and hold on. I like to grab mom's sweatshirt when I nurse, her sleeve when she's changing me, the burp cloth when I'm getting burped.
2. Started watching the dog...and she's started licking me on the nose. Ewww.
3. Met in person all that family I've been seeing on the webcam and listening to mom talk to on the phone. They were really nice and seemed to like me, too.
4. Switched from two fingers to my thumb. I'm not sure where to put the rest of the fingers, but the thumb doesn't gag me like those longer fingers.
5. Moved up in diaper size. Now mom has to put them on the second set of snaps. The nice part is that now they don't bunch up so much.

Highlights coming soon: Rolling over (I'm so close!), laughing (I love it when mom bounces me up and down on her belly, and I'm just on the verge of a real, grown-up laugh), and picking things up (trouble!).

Right now:
Asleep in my crib since I didn't take a real nap all day. Oh, no, wait -- waking up from a nap in my crib...

Dear Husband, Part 33

This is what Ollie was wearing when I came home from work yesterday, a day on which Wes was caring for the child. It's not unusual for me to come home finding that nothing Oliver is wearing matches, but this combination was particularly unique. Every single item he was wearing actually came as part of an outfit. These were random items thrown together. The onesie goes with a pair of brown corduroy overalls, the lining of which matches the onesie. There's even striped socks that match. The yellow overalls go with a white and yellow monkey onesie. Even the socks were purchased by Wes's mom to go with a footless one-piece outfit that she got for Ollie for Christmas.

Oh, well. I guess the child was warm if nothing else.

Leg lifts

Napping with Lovie

So we're several days into our new sleeping arrangements, and things are going in the direction I'd hoped. Oliver has spent most nights in his crib. We lay him down around 8:00pm, after he starts to show signs of tiredness and we've put on his night diaper and sleeping bag, but before he actually falls asleep. On a normal night, he's asleep before 9pm, up around 2 or 3am to eat, and then up again at 5am. I'd love to move that 5am to 6am, since that's when I get up for the morning anyway, but two nursing sessions, the second one pretty short, is pretty good in my mind. We have had two nights that weren't as good -- both nights we had babysitters in. While both sitters were great, both nights he woke up when we came home around 11am, then nursed, and then was up almost every 2 hours. Both nights he ended up in the co-sleeper or in bed with us, and last night at least, I got very little sleep. He got extra cranky around 4am, and when I finally got up to rock him in hopes of soothing his fussiness, he let out several large burps. I managed then to put him back in the crib for the rest of the night. He has started napping a little more regularly. Wes said that Monday and Tuesday he took long naps that started before 9am. And for the most part he's napping in the crib, not the stroller. His attachment to Lovie is forming slowly, but I'm confident that they'll eventually be bed buddies.

Lovey/Lovie

Now that Ollie is nearly 4 months old, Wes and I have started to think about long-term sleeping arrangements and sleep habits. While we love having him in the bedroom with us (I highly recommend a co-sleeper to anyone who is the least bit interested), we want to transition him into his own room before he becomes too attached to rooming in with us -- when, as I noted to Wes yesterday, it's harder for us to give him up than it is for him to give us up. A mom-friend of mine (thanks, HP!) recommended a book called The No-Cry Sleep Solution, by Elizabeth Pantley. It provides steps to help babies and toddlers transition into sleeping longer stretches with fewer sleep aids, but doing so slowly to avoid the dreaded cry-it-out method. I can't honestly say I wouldn't let a kid cry in his crib if I were exhausted to the max or at my wits end. But Ollie is such a mild-tempered child, so happy, and if he's crying there's usually a clear-cut reason why. And he's actually a great sleeper, too. At my parents' house, he slept in a crib in the next room (versus the co-sleeper we've been doing at home) and went 6-7 hours stretches more than one night. He, on more than one instance, fell asleep on his own, and the last two mornings I found him awake, smiling, just waiting for someone to come pick him up.

Ollie is not, however, the best napper. He fights them tooth and nail and then becomes fussier as he gets more tired. So I thought I'd try the suggestions in the book to help create a nighttime routine, transition him into his crib at home, and hopefully get him down for more regular naps. Wednesday night, when we got home, I'd intended to put him in the crib, but he was wide awake and Wes and I were both dead tired. So into the co-sleeper he went. He babbled and must have at some point just drifted off as I fell asleep before he did, and I heard not a peep for several hours. After 5am, he got kind of fussy and ended up in bed with me for a few more hours of sleep.

Last night, after a 4:30-7pm nap in the stroller while Wes and I were out, Ollie started showing signs of tiredness at 8:15pm. I put on his night diaper, put him in his sleeping bag, nursed him, and -- lo and behold -- he was asleep. I put him in his crib, where he slept contentedly until 2:30am, then from 3-6am. After the 6am feeding, though, Ollie was wide awake. I put him back in his crib, where I heard him chatting. Then a new sound -- Ollie had turned on his mobile -- with his feet. As Wes wasn't due up for work for another hour, I hopped back up and brought the baby into bed with us. He nursed some more and slept some more.

One of the suggestions the author of this book has is to encourage the baby's attachment to a lovey, so that when the baby no longer needs to nurse at night, he can calm himself during night wakings with the lovey instead of mom or dad. Wes and I have had this monkey, now appropriately named Lovie (as in Smith, the coach for the Bears), on Ollie's dresser since he was born. I used this thing to learn nursing positions and we even buckled him into the car seat to try it out. So he was a natural choice. The author suggestions snuggling with the lovey when the baby is sleepy so he associates the toy with falling asleep. So he rocks with us and, as shown, nursed with us.

Right now, the major challenge is napping. The author of the book encourages parents to help their baby sleep with whatever sleep aids are necessary and then work to eliminate the aids after the baby has learned to sleep during that time of day. So where is Ollie now? In the stroller, in the middle of the living room, nestled in with his blanket and Lovie. I rolled him to sleep, and there he'll stay until he wakes up on his own. Eventually we'll have to get rid of the stroller, I know, but for now I'm satisfied that he sleeps well at night and can, perhaps, be cajoled to nap, too.

Look mom -- no hands!

Baby's first Christmas

Meet the Family

This Christmas, Ollie finally met all of my family. Up to now, only my mom and Wes's mom had gotten to meet him. It was fun getting to share him with everyone. My sister was up for everything -- holding him, talking with him, rocking him in the glider, feeding him a bottle, even changing the diapers (and I think I've got her sold now on cloth!). My sister-in-law was great helping him explore his new surroundings and conversing with him as he babbled away. My oldest brother helped him walk the floor and enjoyed carrying around a lighter little one (his 2 1/2-year-old is 40 pounds!). And my other brother did lots of rocking and cuddling, too. My dad made sure to get in plenty of grandpa time and took every opportunity to solicit smiles, which Oliver now readily shares. My mom got to see how much he's grown since her last visit in November -- at 3 weeks, 9 weeks, and 15 weeks, she, better than anyone, has seen him transform.

Fortunately, our move down south come June means more trips to see family. Hopefully the next one won't have to wait 3 months to meet the family!

All smiles