Does that mean you're hungry, or that I should steal second?

Oliver's oral language abilities haven't changed much in the last month or two. His receptive language is clearly well developed, and even though he's not speaking recognizable words, he has a lot to say with clear voice inflection. As such, I've been continuing to teach him signs. He knows and can use more, food, please, and banana. We use signs for bath, change, drink, and help with him, but he hasn't signed them back. There are others I want to learn, and I'm trying to decide which once will most help him in being able to express himself before he can use words.

The only problem is that Oliver often uses the sign interchangeably. I'll ask if he's hungry (and do the sign), and he'll sign for more -- even if he's not eating yet. When he's fussy and I ask him what he wants, he signs for food -- even if he's already eaten and probably not really hungry. Sometimes, though, when he's trying to communicate something, especially if he is upset about it, he uses all the signs at once -- food, more, please (while waiting for me to fill up and hand him a sippy cup of water) and then maybe hand clapping. It reminds me of the story a friend told recently about his younger child, now 2 1/2, who stuttered when he first talked because, having talked late, he had a lot formed in his mind before he could say it and it all wanted to come out at once.

Dear Husband, Part 42

Wes is coming off overnights today. He got home around 9am this morning, played with Oliver, ate breakfast, and watched the finals match of the Australian open (even though he already knew who won). I needed to go do a big grocery shopping trip and had expected to do it in the afternoon after Wes had slept some and could keep Oliver. But I got worried that it was going to be dark by the time Wes was up from sleeping, and I was worried about being on the roads after this snow (which has now melted some and will undoubtedly refreeze tonight). So Wes told me to go ahead.

I didn't get home until around 1:15pm, about an hour and a half after I left. As expected, Wes and Oliver were down for a nap; unexpectedly, they were both asleep in our bed. I opened the door to the bedroom to let Lucy out. Wes awoke, and I saw Oliver asleep on the far side of the bed, right along the edge. Wes seemed to notice where he was and appeared to be moving him when I closed the door.

Another hour or more later, while I was sitting in the living room reading, I started hearing chunks of snow and ice fall off the roof. And then, a few minutes later, I heard a slightly different thud. And then I realized what I'd heard.

I ran to the bedroom but didn't hear anything from Ollie. Wes was rolled over to the other side of the bed, checking him before picking him up to comfort him. I heard Oliver draw in a big long breath to scream, but he quickly calmed down on Wes's chest.

Wes and I never co-slept with Oliver in the bed, partly for this reason. Whereas I can't settle completely with Ollie in the bed, Wes sleeps so soundly that it's almost not safe. I'm not as nervous now, when Oliver is developed enough to move things or sound a protest if he's in distress, but clearly there are other, newer dangers.

Because he won't keep his own mittens on...

Get down, get down...

Dear Husband, Part 41

Last night I asked Wes how long it takes to forget. 

“I don’t think you ever forget,” he said.  “What matters is how you recover.”

Nightmares on Elmwood

Oliver is finally through a rough patch of sleep. Last week one of his teachers mentioned he'd woken up from his nap really upset and practically screaming. The same thing happened at home on Saturday and Sunday. On Sunday, I took him downstairs to our bed and tried to nap with him for another hour or so. When we finally got up, he was very clingy and didn't want me to put him down. He woke up between 2am and 4am for several nights in a row, too. He was really upset and screaming, and he wouldn't go back down by himself. I rocked him, he would calm down, and when I tried to put him in the crib, he'd immediately start back up and reach for me. He would let me rub his back in the crib, but as soon as I stopped and tried to leave him, he'd start back up. I took him to bed a few times, and in one instance was able then to return him to his crib an hour later. He finally had a normal nap on Tuesday, then slept through the night again that night and last night.

I've read about and heard friends tell about kids having night terrors or nightmares at this age. I hate to think of him going through this, unable to articulate what is upsetting him. I'm glad he's made it through. He's been really clingy with me recently, too. In the afternoons and evenings he'll hug my legs and want picked up. I assumed it was withdrawal from all the attention and holding he got with family here over the holidays, but maybe these nightmares have just left him a little ill at ease and looking for comfort.

Regardless, I am happy that he seems to be doing better, and in all honesty, I did love the chance to rock with him and snuggle in bed a few times. Though it can be exhausting if it happens for long periods, it kind of makes me feel still needed and useful. There's nothing like hearing a baby take those few big breaths after finally calming down from a big cry and feeling him melt to sleep in your arms.

Miscarriage

This morning I woke up, went to the bathroom, and saw blood in the toilet.  Then more on the toilet paper.  A few hours later, I was soaking pads and passing tissue.  I’m having a miscarriage.  I can type that now without crying.  I’m probably right at 5 weeks, so it’s more emotional than physical.  I always thought that if this happened this early I would be okay.  And I am okay – I think I probably worried the woman at the clinical study, whom I called to update, with my being so okay.  I cried in the shower, and sending an email to my sister, and talking on the phone with my mother.  But now I’m okay.  Kind of.

I did learn from the message boards that women are often very fertile after an early loss.  Today counts as day one, and I can try and track my ovulation again and try in late January or early February.  Wes and I seem to get pregnant pretty easily, so that is some consolation.