Single parent

Every once in a while, I get a few hours or even a day with just one of the kids.  I had that often when they were small -- years, of course, with Oliver before Emmeline came alone, then one summer that Emme stayed home with me while Oliver was in daycare, and much of the spring with Zola.  But it's different when they're older and can really enjoy the day and me -- and I them.

This afternoon, I picked up Emmeline from daycare at 2:15PM to take her to another post-surgical appointment. (Aside: her ankle is healing nicely.  The front looks quite good now, but the back is a little less healthy.  One large area on the side is still "declaring itself," but, while I don't speak plastic surgery, I'm pretty sure it's saying that it's dead and the area will have to scar over.)  I had to wake her up from a dead sleep at daycare.  It's only on the days I have to fetch her early that she ever naps at daycare, and today was one of those days.  I tried to rouse her gently, but she was so sleepy that I finally had to just pick her up.  We got to the doctor's office a little early, and after she played in the play area and on my phone for a bit, we saw the surgeon.  She snuggled in my lap for the exam, which is always so nice.  After we waited in the front of the office again to schedule her next appointment.  There was a newborn baby there for an appointment, and I flashed back to her first appointment with Dr. Chester, when Emme was about the same age as that little, tiny baby.  I can hardly believe it's been three years.

After the appointment we drove to the area mall to drop off our gifts for three angel tree kids.  I'd taken the whole crew to Target on Sunday (Zola on back, Emme in the cart, Oliver walking, which is usually a safe bet) to shop for them -- Abram, age 5, Joselin, age 2, and Yasmine, age 1.  But I wasn't going to drag all three into the mall to drop off the gifts.  Emme didn't have a shoe on this afternoon because it irritates her ankle, so I put her in the back carrier and let her ride along.  We dropped off the gifts, and then I took her to see the mall Christmas tree.  In true Self-child fashion, she dropped her jaw over the Christmas trees and gave not a second glance to the big man in the red suit sitting in the middle of all of them.  When she saw the big one that goes all the way to the ceiling, she said, "Wow" and just stared up for a while.  Afterwards, I took her to Panera for a smoothie.  We sat and chatted, and she made all the people around us smile at her antics and adorableness.  It was great.  We came home about 30 minutes before the rest of the crew, sat on the couch, and "read" a Harry & David catalog together, naming the fruits and talking about the treats.  Emme even went and got her favorite afghan to get cozy on the couch.  She loved it.  I loved it.

Part of the fun is the complete attention I can give one kid at a time.  I can ask better questions, listen to answers, probe for more thinking, and enjoy their reaction to the world around them.  Part of it is how the world interacts with us.  People are much more likely to look kindly on at the cute little kid with mom than the three crazy kids with their even crazier mom.  Being out with Emme usually gets comments like, "She adorable," or as in today's case, two college girls at Panera looking at her with big smiles at their faces.  Being out with all three usually gets comments like, "Well you've got your hands full" and folks steering clear of us in the aisles at Target, even when everyone is behaving quite nicely.

I never had any plans of having an only child.  Had that been our fate, I would have accepted it and enjoyed its benefits.  But I had no doubt in my mind that I wanted more than one (or two...or).  So I will bask in the moments I have with each kid one-on-one while likewise taking a moment to stop and drink in the sight of Zola following her older siblings around, of Oliver helping Zola down the stairs, of Oliver and Emmeline cuddled up on the couch watching the end of Pollyanna.  

A wrinkle

Thanksgiving is over, and "Christmastime," as the kids keep calling it, has begun.  There are Christmas lights going up all over the neighborhood, and all of the usual Christmas tree lots are full and ready for customers.  I drove past the mall on our way back from a friends' house tonight, and it was packed.

Like years' past, we'll keep Christmas small this year, but I'm also trying to spread it out so that we can enjoy the whole month of it rather than packing it into a week or so.  It's more fun, and it's a lot easier with little kids who lose interest in things pretty quickly.  Other than turning the radio in the van to a Christmas station, the only things we've done so far are watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas in matching family Grinch pajamas (only once so far!), put up the stockings, and make and hang the Christmas chain.  I had some easy-made links for the latter, and Oliver helped me staple them.

I'm not sure where the terminology got confused, but Oliver keeps talking about the "wrinkles" on the Christmas chain.  Last night he was fussing about wanting to "fix the wrinkle" on the chain, and today he wanted to "do the wrinkle" first thing in the morning.  I've tried to tell him a few times now that they're called "links," but nonetheless he persists.  Tonight he took the first one off; I didn't have the heart to tell him that in my house growing up, the youngest went first.

Here's hoping those are the only wrinkles in a Christmastime filled with peace, joy, and merry memories like these.

Fifth

 Emmeline is currently about two hours into her fifth surgery to remove the remaining nevus on her ankle and calf, as well as a small one that we recently noticed on her back.  It's about the size of a normal mole, but as Dr. Chester says, it looks a little "funky," so we're going to take it out.  It was hoped that this would be her last surgery, but the nevus on the ankle is still large, her tummy is not, and thanks to a recent growth spurt, the nevus is a little bigger and the tummy a little flatter than it was when Dr. Chester saw her at our pre-operative consult a few weeks ago.  But we'll see.  And if we don't get it all, we'll do this again next year.

Emmeline did great going into this surgery.  Each year older means she understands a little bit better what is going to happen.  I talked to her about what was going to happen several times this past week so she would know what was going to happen.  I told her we would wake up early, go to the hospital (with Dolly), change into some jammies, and then she would take a nap while Dr. Chester fixed her leg.  She knew that it would hurt (She would say, looking a little tearful, "It will hurt me," or "Dr. Chester will hurt me" sometimes, which just broke my heart), but I told her that she would be asleep for much of it and then would get medicine afterwards to help with the hurting.  She repeated that back a few times, which is usually a sign that she understands.  She wanted to know where I would be, and I assured her I would be there with her until they took her back for surgery.  Dolly got to go back with her, and Wes and I are in the PACU with her when she wakes up.  In the past, we've been home by 1PM, so I'm hoping for the same today.

I got up at 4:30AM this morning, as we had to be at the hospital at 5:30AM for a 7:15 start time.  I got Emme up around 5AM.  She was groggy getting onto the toilet but fully awake by the time she was getting dressed.  I picked out a fun outfit for her to wear to the hospital, and she has something new (and roomy to fit over the cast) for afterwards.  We got to Children's on time and checked in.  She looked at the fish tank, played on the LeapPad, and colored.  We didn't wait too long before we went back into the holding area.  They took her vitals, I talked to the anesthesiologist, Dr. Chester came by, and we confirmed her name and birth date and allergies several times over.  Emme put on her special jammies, and she played in the bed and in the little push car they brought in for her.  She seemed to sense that something was coming and would get a little nervous when someone new arrived, but otherwise she laughed and giggled with me like normal.  She kept checking out the little boy across the room from her.  I thought she might cry when they took her back, like she did last year.  But when the time came, I gave her a big hug and kiss, and they carried her (and Dolly) off without incident.

They called from the operating room about 15 minutes ago to let me know they were "working diligently."  The doctor who called was telling me how cute she was going back to the operating room and getting hooked up to the monitors.  It sounds like she was giggling and just being cute.  They cracked a joke about her brother's stinky feet (related, I think, to the gas that helps put her to sleep), which made her laugh.  I am thankful that the child who needs all these surgeries is also the one who most likely bears it best.  Or perhaps the relationship is causal in the opposite direction.  Nonetheless, I'll be glad when she's done with these -- whether today or a year from now -- and she can just run and play without having to take a break from her craziness for surgeries and casts.

Update: Emmeline's surgery lasted around 4-5 hours yesterday.  They ran out of consult rooms by the time she was done, so the surgeon just came out and talked to me.  She wasn't able to get all of the nevus, but she got most of it, so the next surgery should be the final one.  Emme's belly was too taut to take the skin from the same place as before, so she has to large incisions from just to the left and right of the belly button and up each side.  Emme has a full cast on this time, halfway up her thigh, and it's pink.

She woke up from anesthesia in a relatively good mood.  The nurse kept commenting on how unusual it is for kids to wake up happy like that.  She drank some juice while she sat with us, and then the nurse unhooked her and sent us on our way.  We were home by early afternoon.  Emme camped out on the couch for about three hours, watching Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood and Finding Nemo. She looked exhausted but never napped.  She kept complaining (even in the PACU) that she wanted to walk and wanted "this thing" off her leg.  Mid-afternoon, she told me the surgery didn't hurt.  She's such a feisty little girl!  I had to change the gauze around her belly because her first few post-surgical diapers were so full that the top of the diaper leaked into the gauze, and open wound + urine is just not a great situation.  The incisions are pretty gnarly, and after two changes just in the afternoon, she's since whined for me not to take off her "bandaid" again.  Fortunately, she's not overflowing her diapers anymore and can sit on the little floor potty, so the gauze has stayed dry and clean.

She had a good day today, waking up relatively happy.  She's tried to stand and walk some but hasn't been able to put enough weight on the cast to do either successfully unsupported.  I got her out in the stroller some yesterday, took her to Target and a friend's house today, and she plays some with the other kids when they're home.  She did wake after bedtime tonight in pain, complaining about her side incisions.  I gave her some ibuprofen -- the only dose she's had today, I think.  She's going to daycare for about two hours Thursday while I have an appointment -- just a visit, really, to see how she does.  And then she'll go back next Monday.  She has an appointment on November 25 to see Dr. Chester and hopefully have the cast removed.  Here's hoping everything heals well!  

He said it

One of my favorite things about being a parent is getting to see the world through my kids' eyes.  Recently:

• Oliver and Emme have been waiting for the leaves to change this fall.  We have lots of trees in our backyard, and when the colors really start, it's going to be quite the event out there.  I guess they had more of a color spectrum in mind, though.  When we were riding home from school yesterday, I pointed out the yellow, orange, and red leaves in the trees alongside the road.  "Where are the blue and purple ones, mom?" Oliver asked.
• Oliver has been watching some of the World Series with his dad.  Last night, Wes and Oliver were sitting on the couch while Wes pointed out some of the players to him.  When the pitcher ran onto the field, Oliver said, "And that's the coach."  We were confused for a minute and tried to correct him.  "Yeah," he said, "that's the coach."  Then we realized -- Oliver's baseball division is coach-pitch, and the coach is the pitcher.
• Tonight I was helping Ollie get out his wallet and the money in the "spend" compartment of his bank.  He's spending the day with me tomorrow, and we're going to the Lego store at Opry Mills.  He only has about $8, saved since his birthday 6 weeks ago (he's put most of it into the "save" and "spend" compartment, sweet boy that he is), so I told him we'd take his wallet but wouldn't necessarily be able to buy anything.  I wanted to make sure he understood, so I asked him, "What happens if we get to the store and you don't have enough money to buy what you want?"  He looked at me earnestly and said, "Find someone who has some money in their 'share.'"

"Dood it"

Oliver is now in that phase of speech language development when irregular verbs are, well, irregular.  He has in the last week told me about how he "builded" something with his Legos.  He "swimmed" in the pool.  He "fighted" with his sister.  The usual.

My favorite conjugation, though, has to be "to do."  "I dood it," he tells me.  Yes, you dood.  

Moving on up

Zola got her "move up" letter at daycare today.  It means that she's ready to move up to the next class, in this case from the infant room to the one-year-old room.  She'll be with Makeda and Anna, who also had Emmeline, and Anna was a teacher in the class Oliver started in with another lead teacher.  They're both lovely women, and they already "borrow" Zola from her current teachers for snack and a little time on the playground.

Zola is definitely ready to move up.  She's walking well, trying to communicate (she signed "please" tonight at dinner and said "more"), and sits up at the table and eat school snacks and lunch.  She'll have to transition to a cot, but other than that, I think it will be an easy transition.  Especially since she already knows and likes the teachers.  The other kids in her current class are all little babies.  Some as young as 8 weeks, but lots of true babies in general.  She needs to be around kids who are a little more advanced in their development to keep moving her along on things like talking.

But I'm glad we started Zola at daycare in the infant room.  We had originally planned to start her in August instead of July and go right for a one-year-old room.  But even as well as she got used to daycare, I think she would have missed a lot by not going to the infant room.  Kendi and Annette are wonderful and really loved on her to help her get used to the center.  They got her using her sippy cup well and even got rid of her pacifier for mid-day naps.  She's very comfortable at daycare now, with any number of teachers (they all come "borrow" her sometimes to carry her around or do her hair; Wes and I say she is the daycare mascot), and I think it's because she felt secure in her own classroom.

One of the things I've loved about the infant room is the long notes they send home about her day.  I think Annette writes a short little blurb, and then Kendi fills the page with all the details.  Here is what we got today:

From Annette, "Today Zola enjoyed outside time riding the boat, playing with pom poms taking them out of a container.  I talked to her about the different sizes of the pom poms and the textures of them.  She also enjoyed playing with the telephone."

From Kendi, "Awesome day!  Full of lovable hugs, laughs, smiles!  Zola and Roy had a good time playing in the treehouse, babbling, giggling to one another and of course squealing.  Too adorable!  Their favorite toys outside are the Pre-K shoes.  She will always go for the pink shoes and carry them to us with that sweet grin.  So adorable!  She played nicely with her friends!  We had children music playing.  She was bouncing up and down to the music, clapping her hands.  Too cute!  We had story time.  I read Whose Baby Is It?, ABC Look At Me, and Farm Animals.  She loves it when we tickle her; then she enjoys tickling the younger babies.  So adorable! Played on the foam blocks and automobiles."

So thankful for a great daycare that has loved and nurtured all three of my kiddos!

Swinging

Behold, the thing of beauty.

Several months ago, Wes and I started talking about a swing set for the kids in the backyard.  (Who are we kidding -- a swing set for me in the backyard.  Both to swing on myself and to soothe otherwise fussy children.)  We have enough room for it, and the kids love to go to the park.  Plus with three kids, it's often hard to get them all on the swings at the same time.  We visited a play set store that's at the back of a baby boutique in Franklin, but the sets were very expensive, and in what I imagine will be words repeated throughout the years, Wes said, "I can build that."

And he was right.  He could.  It just took awhile since he had to do it in free time and good weather.  He got the basic structure put up when his dad was here with the big beams and the cement for the three main posts.  He added the angled supports, the swings themselves, and some additional support pieces as he went.  It was fully operational last Saturday for Oliver's birthday party, but we got some better connector clips and another toddler swing (Emme can use the big kid swing but can go higher and is certainly safer in a toddler swing still) later this week.  Wes still has to stain it, but otherwise, this is what we'll have.

We had initially wanted to have four swings (who are we kidding -- I wanted to make sure we had four swings) in case we add the "one more child" that still gets references around here.  I wanted all of the kids to be able to swing at the same time.  But a longer beam would have meant more structural issues and a post in the middle, so Wes did this.  He did the "add on" to the left that we can actually have four swings up if we want -- a toddler swing would fit perfectly there and doesn't need the 12-foot height of the others that lets them go so high -- but meanwhile we have the three plus a fun trapeze for us to play on (read: me and Wes).

I can say that thus far, this is one of the best decisions we've made at this house.  (Okay, maybe replacing the molding dishwasher was the best, but that was also pretty clearcut.)  All of the kids, but especially the girls, LOVE to swing.  They cry to get in, the cry when they're taken out.  I've seen Emmeline, half asleep, still in a swing after more than an hour.  She just seems very at home there.  Both the girls giggle and squeal when we push them high.  And Oliver has discovered the fun in laying on a swing on his belly and twisting it up and letting it untwist with him on it.  But most importantly, I love it.  When I've pushed the kids over and over again, and Oliver has moved on to play light sabers with a tree or do a routine that vaguely resembles rhythmic gymnastics with foliage involved, I climb on, pump myself higher and higher (hoping no one toddler nearby), and learn back to look up in the trees.  Bliss.