Waiting for her

Mailing our I-600 application in December!

Most adoption blogs have a timeline link.  Since this isn't a public blog, I'm not going to give it a whole separate page, but I thought it would be helpful to see what it took to get her home.

3/29/2012 – Submitted application to Children of All Nations.  Contacted Jewish Family Service of Nashville and Middle Tennessee about home study.
4/3 – Application to adopt accepted by CAN.
4/6 – First home study meeting with JFS.
4/14 – Mailed in signed contract to CAN.
4/17 – Contract accepted.
5/23 – Liz’s interview with social worker for home study.
5/24 – Mailed in first mailer to CAN.
5/31 – First mailer accepted; began working second mailer.
7/11 – Wes’s interview with social worker for home study.
7/18 – Home visit with social worker for home study.
7/24 – Sent withdrawal letter to CAN.
8/3 – Picked up copies of finalized home study; mailed in I-600a to USCIS; emailed dossier documents for translation.
8/8 – Email confirmed receipt of USCIS application.
8/17 – Received biometrics appointment from USCIS for 9/6.
8/20 – Tried to do a walk-in for biometrics at Nashville ASC.  Failed.
9/6 – Biometrics appointment at USCIS.  Current processing times 60-75 days for I-600a approval.
9/20 – Heard about a two-week-old girl who is waiting.
9/24 – Another family in our group gets their I-600a approval one month after fingerprinting.  Hoping ours will come in the next two weeks.
9/28 – Two-week-old girl will not be placed for adoption.  Older twin boys and girls available, but decide to wait for a boy/girl referral.  Dossier is complete and translated; just waiting for I600a approval.
10/1 – Received I-171H.  Officially paper ready!
10/4 – Got a call about a 45-day-old baby girl and saw her face for the first time.  Waiting for medicals to officially accept our referral.
10/6 – Got an email about a boy/girl sibling set (2.5 and 10 months).  Waiting for medicals from both referrals and talking about which referral to accept.
10/10 – Got medicals for baby girl; malaria and low hemoglobin levels but HIV negative.  No medicals for sibling set.
10/14 – Talked to several pediatricians who have experience in Africa, then accept referral for the baby girl, Zola.  Signed attorney contract and shared the news with family.
10/15 – Got Power of Attorney notarized, completed FICHE to get PV and Commune approval, and wired first payment to attorney in the Congo.
10/19 – Mailed dossier to DRC attorney.
11/5 – Court hearing.
11/9 – Got a call that we had passed court, with judgment date of 11/5.  In CONA wait.
11/11 – Got email with PV, consent, and judgment (in French).  Officially decide to name her Zola Elizabeth Self.
11/13 – Wired second payment to attorney in the Congo.
11/27 – Got email with Act of Adoption and birth certificate (in French), along with translations of all court documents.  Passport has been applied for.
12/5 – CONA is up.
12/17 – Got email with CONA (in French and English).  Passport pictures taken, but passport office is on strike, so no actual passport yet.  Mail in I-600 to USCIS, with hopes of traveling in six weeks.
12/18 – Sent embassy paperwork to a friend to carry to DRC and deliver to attorney.  Zola had her passport picture taken (in the little lamb outfit we sent to her).  Got info on her and some pictures from another mom already traveling.
12/19 – Got a call from the US Embassy in the DRC, asking for my email address so they can send us instructions on next steps.
12/26 -- Got email with a scan of Zola's passport with errors; attorney was going back that day to get a corrected version.
12/27 -- Received I-797 in the mail that confirmed receipt of I-600 application.  Other adoptive families
1/7 -- Got email from USCIS officer saying that our I600 application was approved on 1/4.  Should receive hard copy of approval by the end of the week.
1/8 -- Called the US embassy in Kinshasa to schedule our embassy appointments.  Scheduled for 1/24 (drop-off) and 1/25 (interview).
1/9 -- Got an email from the embassy saying they are going to cancel our embassy dates because they cannot see our approval in their system.  Forwarded approval email from USCIS officer; embassy replies, saying their will wait for the hard copy of the letter, but otherwise will have to reschedule us.
1/11 -- Received I-797, provisional approval of our I600 application.  Scanned and emailed it to the embassy. Hope to hear back from them Monday with confirmation of our dates, at which point we can buy plane tickets!  
1/14 -- Called the US embassy in Kinshasa.  Still cannot see our approval but schedules us for appointment 1/24 and 1/28.  Told me to call back 1/25 to confirm that she can see approval before 1/28 interview date.
1/18 -- Called the US embassy in Kinshasa.  Can now see approval in system and gave us back our original dates of 1/24 and 1/25.  Later find out that Zola's embassy medical appointment was this day.
1/24 -- Embassy document drop-off.  Wired final payment to attorney.
1/25 -- Embassy interview.
1/31 -- Hear rumors that the US is going to add a 3-6 month waiting period between I600 approval and visa issuance.  No details of who will be affected.
2/1 -- Find out that people who already have embassy appointments scheduled (which includes us, since ours already happened) will not be affected by the new timeline.
2/5 -- Depart Nashville.  Travel to Brussels via O'Hare.
2/6 -- Travel from Brussels to Kinshasa and arrive at St. Anne's.

All about Zola

All the other kids were playing, and Zola was snoozing.
This is a good sign she'll sleep through the chaos at our house!

A lot of people have questions about Zola, especially because she is joining our family through adoption rather than at birth.  Here's my best effort to tell what we know about her.

When was she born?  Her legal date of birth is August 30, 2012, but I don't know when she was born.  We are doing an independent adoption, which means we are working directly with an attorney in Kinshasa.  (We have enlisted the services of some people who help with document review and translations, and they are the people we direct most questions to.)  In this type of adoption, the children placed are all considered wards of the state, which means that they have no known parents.  Some people term this an "abandonment" case.  When Zola was taken into the social welfare system (perhaps too formal a term for what it actually is) in her commune, they estimated her age and gave her a birth date based on that.  Her pictures so far and a friend's account of a visit with her recently suggest her birth date is pretty accurate, but unfortunately she will grow up without knowing the exact day she was born.

How did she end up in an orphanage? A lot of birth parents say, "This isn't my story to tell."  I'm not sure if I feel that way about Zola's story.  She is very young and will likely never remember this part of her life.  But that said, out of respect for others involved in her story who may be judged harshly for their actions, I will leave it very vague.  Most likely, whoever was caring for her could no longer do so. Formula is outrageously expensive in the DRC, and in some cases, children end up in the social welfare system because their caretaker cannot afford it.  In other instances, it's not just about the cost of raising the child but the availability of a family member or friend able to do so.  Through a series of events, the full details of which even we don't know, Zola wound up in an orphanage and eligible to be adopted.  To the best of our knowledge, she does not have anyone able to care for her in the DRC.

The US Embassy will reconfirm the details of her "abandonment" before giving her a visa prior to coming home with us.  This was an important part our decision about who to use when we adopted as we wanted as ethical a process as possible.  The attorney we're working with is well known by the Embassy and people who have worked there for many years.  We simply won't ever know whether a little support or encouragement could have made it possible for someone to keep Zola.  We have, since becoming involved with the adoption world, been made aware of efforts in the DRC and elsewhere in that part of Africa to either keep children with a family member or place them with local families, with financial support for formula, diapers, and basic healthcare.  If we had not adopted Zola, someone else would have.  We did not have the ability to change her circumstances in any other way, but we do for other children and now support those efforts to reduce the number of cases in which a child is "abandoned" due to the dire poverty so many face in the DRC. 

Who is taking care of her right now? A very sweet lady is the house momma in one "apartment" of the orphanage where Zola is living.  Money we paid as part of our adoption costs help pay for her services, plus formula, diapers, and whatever else is needed.  According to our friend who has visited the orphanage, Zola sleeps in bed with the momma, so we'll likely co-sleep early on to help ease the transition.  This woman cares for about half a dozen kids ranging from two weeks to several years old.  It's hard to know what life is like for the kids there, but from what we know, it seems like Zola gets a lot of love (and clearly plenty of formula!).  Our friend said the kids all have diapers, do not look malnourished, and the older ones have shoes (important because of parasites that enter through the feet).  I am encouraged to know she's being well taken care of, as that kind of love helps children form healthy attachments to their new family members.  That said, I can't wait to be the one to take care of her!

Is she healthy? As far as we can tell, yes.  She's definitely got some nice cheeks and thighs right now :)  We got some basic medical information on her at referral, including her HIV status.  Her iron levels were extremely low then, but based on her age and the circumstances of her coming to the orphanage, that makes sense.  She may have health issues that we won't know about until she's here and we can run the newborn screening panels that are standard in the US, but that's something we are prepared to deal with when the time comes.  She will see our pediatrician as soon as she comes home, and we will likely visit the international adoption clinic at Vanderbilt if there are any concerns the pediatrician does not feel comfortable handling.  Children who have been adopted from similar circumstance often have worms or other intestinal parasites, so that's something we'll watch for.

How do you get pictures and updates? Two ways -- the services we enlisted stateside to help with the adoption include once-a-month (or so) photos and, to the extent possible, updates on the child.  Zola is a baby so there's not as much to tell as with older kids.  We got photos when we received her referral, then some about six weeks later, right before Thanksgiving.  Last week, another mother was traveling to bring her two new children home.  She's using the same attorney as us, and her girls had lived at the same orphanage.  She was able to visit a little with Zola and some of the other kids and take photos.  (We are only sharing them privately on this blog out of safety concerns for Zola and the other children at the orphanage.)  We sent over a Ziploc of items for her about a month ago, including the outfit she was wearing in the most recent pictures (one Emme wore as a baby).  This level of transparency is part of what gives us comfort about the ethical nature of the process.  There are multiple parties "keeping an eye" on her and the place where she is staying.

Anything else? Not much.  Our friend who visited was able to tell us that she's a fairly calm, easygoing baby.  She is smiling (though not in any photos we've seen yet).  She holds her head up well but doesn't seem to be sitting up yet.  No teeth buds, but lots of drool.  Her hair is really soft right now, though hair texture commonly changes for African children in the first few years, so it's hard to know what she'll end up with.  Counting the days until I have more tell!  

Meet Zola

Our first picture of Zola (October 2012)

Saw her again right before Thanksgiving (November 2012)

From a week ago, when a friend got to visit with her (December 2012)

Sisters

Tutus for my two girls!

Dress up anyone?

Fun winter hats!

Thank you, Grandma N.!

Le lapin

When I was pregnant with Oliver, I found this plush Nici monkey that I'd given to Wes at some point.  Along with a super soft blue Little Giraffe blanket, that was his lovie (aptly named Lovie).  When I was pregnant with Emmeline, I found a sheep (named Baa).  Her little chair and swing were a lamb, too, and then my mom gave her this purple one-piece outfit with a ruffle butt that had a lamb on it.  She also got a super soft pink Little Giraffe blanket. Oliver never really bonded with Lovie but does love his blanket.  His real lovie is his Cookie Monster doll that his Grandma Kay gave him.  Emmeline has bonded with not only Baa but every other animal in her bed and in the house, including the dog.  She snuggles at night not with her pink blanket but the afghan Grandma Neiheisel made her.

A few weeks ago, after the adoption judgment had come through, I decided it was time to get Zola her blanket and lovie.  I found this bunny rabbit and got a matching caramel colored Little Giraffe blanket.  Then last week I was in a store and saw this adorable shirt by Peek.  It had a bunny on it and said "lapin," which I somehow knew was French for rabbit.  So Zola will be our little bunny with her own Lapin for a lovie.

Hurray home, baby girl.  We're getting all ready for you.

More Oliver-isms

On music:
Oliver (in the car on the way home): "Mom, what kind of music is this?"
Me: "It's Christmas music."
Oliver: "Oh.  We didn't have these kinds of songs in the green car."

On counting:
Oliver: "Mom, what's the last number?"
Me: "What do you mean, Ollie?"
Oliver: "When you're counting -- what's the last number?"

On fire safety: "Engine ears are firemans, too."
Ah -- engineers.

On his future: "Next year, I'm going to Ms. Tonya's class.  And then I'm going to kindergarten.  And then college.  And then my job and I'll work."

Upon arriving at school --
Oliver: "Mom, why are there teachers at school?"
Me: "To teach you things."
Oliver: "But I already know everything."
Uh-oh.

Whispering loudly, upon hearing me on the stairs in the morning: "Come on, Emme, let's hide."

Upon hearing "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" on the radio:  "Reindeer have umbrellas up on their head, and there's a daddy reindeer, and he holds the umbrella for the baby."