Miscarriage

This morning I woke up, went to the bathroom, and saw blood in the toilet.  Then more on the toilet paper.  A few hours later, I was soaking pads and passing tissue.  I’m having a miscarriage.  I can type that now without crying.  I’m probably right at 5 weeks, so it’s more emotional than physical.  I always thought that if this happened this early I would be okay.  And I am okay – I think I probably worried the woman at the clinical study, whom I called to update, with my being so okay.  I cried in the shower, and sending an email to my sister, and talking on the phone with my mother.  But now I’m okay.  Kind of.

I did learn from the message boards that women are often very fertile after an early loss.  Today counts as day one, and I can try and track my ovulation again and try in late January or early February.  Wes and I seem to get pregnant pretty easily, so that is some consolation.

POAS

Pregnancy tests should be sold in packs of 3.  The first one for when you test too early, the second one for when you get a positive, and the third one for a week later, when it still doesn’t seem real and you need another positive test as evidence. 

I did a little shopping today for some tops.  I made sure that all of them will either hide what I need to hide for the next 8-10 weeks (which hopefully won’t be much) and will cover what comes after.  It was strange but wonderful to stand in the dressing room at LOFT and push out the shirts to see how well they would cover.  I think part of the reason I prefer to wait to share my news – even with my family – is that I need a few weeks for the pregnancy to sink in and become real to me.  It does help that the ultrasound in now “next week,” as in as week from Thursday.  I think the little gray blob, with a nice flickering heartbeat, will make this feel like it’s really happening.  Until then, I’ll just pee on a stick if I need more reassurance.

Oliver's new toy

I was at Target earlier this week and decided to get Oliver a new toy. I was trying to choose something that would be different than what he already has and continue to be interesting for at least a few months. I ended up with this -- a 2-3 man tent. So far it's a big hit. And it's...well...big. It takes up most of the living room. We're going to leave it up until our new chairs arrive and then maybe move it to the spare bedroom upstairs. I think it will be fun in the backyard once the weather's warmer. For now, this is fun for all of us!

Pregnant

Two years ago today, I got my first positive pregnancy test.  This morning I took another test.  It was positive.  I am pregnant.

I knew I couldn’t wait until Friday.

Dear Husband, Part 40

I caved and took a test two or three days ago.  Predictably, it was negative.  Wes and I agreed I would wait until the end of the week to take another one.  But today I told Wes I really wanted to take another test before Friday.  To help make my case, I pointed out that I’m now about five days late with my period.

Wes: It is?  So you really think you might be pregnant?  (Note: I’ve been mentioning my symptoms to him for more than a week.)

Liz: Yes!  Why do you think I keep saying this might be happening?

Wes:  It takes me longer to process these things.  Oliver was six months old before it finally sunk in we had a baby.

Happy New Year!

Too early to tell

It’s Sunday, and my period is several days late.  Last Thursday would have been a 28-day cycle, which is what I had the month before, and today would have been 31.  I almost expected to at least spot, since that’s what happened with Oliver, but I guess every pregnancy – if that’s in fact what this is – is different.  I also had a really queasy stomach the last few days.  I was a bit lightheaded and vomited at one point.  Again, it all seems far too early for this, but at the same time seems more than coincidental.