Emme is almost seven months old, and breastfeeding is going well. She's more easily distracted when nursing, so I sometimes have to take her up to her room to get her to eat well, but when she's really hungry, she eats quite a bit. When she's finished eating, she kind of stops, looks up at me, and gets a huge smile on her face. Kind of like she suddenly realizes I'm there, too. She always has a long stretch at night without nursing, and recently we've had several nine, ten, eleven, even one twelve hour stretch. Thank you, baby.
Now that I've had the experience of nursing two babies and sharing those experiences with other new moms, I know a few things to be true for me. That, like seemingly everything in motherhood and parenting, is about the best anyone can say.
Breastfeeding may be best, but it's also, in my opinion, easiest. When the baby is hungry, the food is ready. Simple as that. When Wes has, on the odd occasion, tried to give Emme a bottle late at night or early in the morning so that I can get some more sleep, I end up waking to the baby's cries and then staying awake through the whole thing. We learned pretty quickly that if I'm in the same house as a nursing baby, it's easier for me to nurse than for him to try to help with bottle. The flip side to this is that breastfeeding is easy because I am doing it. It makes it easier on everyone, yes, but I'm also doing all the work. It's a reality that is important to acknowledge even as I laud the act of breastfeeding. So often it's all or nothing when women talk about nursing -- either it's wonderful and everyone should do it or it's horrible and no one should be pushed to do it. I think it's helpful to realize that, like with everything, it's somewhere in the middle. A lot of work for mom, but with a lot of benefits for her and baby. Cheaper than formula, but then time is money, and there's a lot of time involved in breastfeeding.
For me, some breastfeeding paraphernalia has been really helpful. I didn't use the Boppy much with Emme because I was just more comfortable nursing, but I used it a lot with Oliver. I did use a nipple shield very briefly when trying to get Oliver off the bottle he had used during his stay in the NICU and onto the breast. And I definitely use my breast pump. A lot. With Oliver, I used it right away at the suggestion of the lactation consultant who wasn't sure (along with everyone else) exactly how long he would be in the NICU. Maybe because of that, I had a great milk supply early on (I pumped in addition to nursing, not in lieu, which is an important distinction). With Emme, I pumped literally the third day because I was going back to classes and wanted to have enough milk to make it through the day. I managed to pump two or three four-ounce bottles in two or three days, which was more than enough, and since then I've basically made an extra bottle a day. I get up, I nurse, and then I pump. Until this week, when I decided that the 700+ ounces of frozen milk in the bottom of my chest freezer was, quite simply, enough. No need to stockpile any further. Notably, though, this massive stockpile made it possible for me to leave Emme for five days to go to New Orleans and seven days to go to San Diego without having to worry about having enough milk for her. Now, though, I know there's plenty there, and as long as it doesn't dwindle past about 200 ounces, I know I can do the bit of traveling I have planned this fall without worry. So for the past three or four days, I dropped that pumping in the morning. I nurse all day, but since she's not getting any bottles, I'm not making any either. Just dropping that one pumping session first thing in the morning was hard. Some combination of that and her sleeping longer at night meant that I had a lot of extra milk built up in the morning. Unfortunately, the only way to get the body to stop making the extra is to not express it. So I went a couple of days with a very full chest and sleeping on my back. I think we've about figured things out. I will continue to try and make just enough, and then when I get close to weaning, I can do it more slowly than I did with Oliver, using up my stash a bottle a day so that I dry up a little more slowly.
I didn't use a nursing cover with Oliver, but I also rarely nursed in public. Neither of my children had any respect for my modesty while breastfeeding, and while some women may feel comfortable flashing a little breast while nursing (which is fine) or are able to do it more discreetly or with a receiving blanket, neither worked for me. With Emme, I got one and have used it any number of times. She can latch on and off without me worrying about covering up, I'm more comfortable nursing, and she doesn't get so distracted by wherever we are. As an added bonus, I've used it as a coverup while pumping hands-free at my sister's house (with her husband around) and even while driving. Some people argue that a nursing cover just makes nursing seem even more taboo -- something that shouldn't be done in public -- but for me it makes nursing out of the house possible and something I'm more willing to do, which seems to be the goal. And if a little kid asks their mom what I'm doing or someone walks by me at the mall and puts it all together, they're still getting the message that breastfeeding out of the house is necessary and well, just fine.
I do enjoy breastfeeding. I love getting to snuggle with my babies and stare at them while they eat. I love being able to meet their needs and often instantly soothe them with the breast. I love this further wonderment in what my body can do to create and sustain life. I am thankful that my body has been able to do this with not a whole lot of challenges, as it's not always the case.
But I must say, as much as I enjoy it, I'm not someone who is especially interested in extended breastfeeding. I am not a small-busted woman, and breastfeeding doesn't help things. I have an ample milk supply and strong let-down, so I wear nursing pads every day. I'm not one of those women who can put on a nursing tank and just go out for the day -- there has to be layers of support (this time I at least learned to wear nursing bras with an underwire). I'm in school and working, so I have to pump to keep up my supply when I'm not with her, which I can't imagine doing long term. Basically, by about a year, when the baby can move to cow's milk and no formula is necessary, I'm ready to have my body back. I shed my last few pounds with Ollie when I finally weaned, and my sense is that will happen this time, too. I recognize the merits of extended breastfeeding, but at some point everyone has to decide to wean, and this is my decision. One of my good friends nursed her daughter until later than I did and wrote a lot and thoughtfully about her decision to finally wean. Another friend of mine is still nursing her 2+-year-old daughter even as she is expecting her second. Others made it to six months and called it enough. And they all made good decisions, in my opinion, because they made informed ones. They all sought help and support and information when they wanted it or as they needed it, and then chose what to do with it. I think that's what most "pro-breastfeeding" women want for each other. There are those, I suppose, who really do judge others who don't breastfeed or don't breastfeed "long enough" by their estimation. But I think most of us who have had good experiences just want the same for others, and so want others to have the help and support and information necessary to let that happen. However, I'd like to think that any reasonable woman recognizes her experience is not the same as others, and that the decision to nurse or not, to wean and when, is each woman's alone.
So on this, the first day of World Breastfeeding Week, I say -- Go forth and nurse. Nurse at home in the nursery and on your living room couch (in front of some show that your infant should certainly not be watching, for me Law and Order: SVU). Nurse at the mall and in a restaurant. Nurse for you and for your baby. And if you choose not to, just make sure it's an informed choice and not one that results from lack of help or support or information. And when you choose to wean, don't feel guilty about it for even one minute if it's the right time for you and your baby (knowing, even as I write this, that I felt a little guilty when I weaned Ollie and will again when I wean Emme). And if breastfeeding was horrible for you, don't feel guilty about that either. There's just only so much a person can handle, and no one should suffer through their baby's infancy because breastfeeding just sucks (pun intended). And if breastfeeding was wonderful for you, tell others about it. Tell you daughter about it (and your sons -- Ollie has definitely been a convert to breastfeeding!). Because the more little girls (and boys) and teenage girls (and boys) and newly married women (and men) and newly pregnant women (and their husbands) hear about and see women breastfeeding -- the ups and downs, the initial struggles and eventual successes -- the more common it will be in society. Which is, of course, the goal of World Breastfeeding Week.
Now that I've had the experience of nursing two babies and sharing those experiences with other new moms, I know a few things to be true for me. That, like seemingly everything in motherhood and parenting, is about the best anyone can say.
Breastfeeding may be best, but it's also, in my opinion, easiest. When the baby is hungry, the food is ready. Simple as that. When Wes has, on the odd occasion, tried to give Emme a bottle late at night or early in the morning so that I can get some more sleep, I end up waking to the baby's cries and then staying awake through the whole thing. We learned pretty quickly that if I'm in the same house as a nursing baby, it's easier for me to nurse than for him to try to help with bottle. The flip side to this is that breastfeeding is easy because I am doing it. It makes it easier on everyone, yes, but I'm also doing all the work. It's a reality that is important to acknowledge even as I laud the act of breastfeeding. So often it's all or nothing when women talk about nursing -- either it's wonderful and everyone should do it or it's horrible and no one should be pushed to do it. I think it's helpful to realize that, like with everything, it's somewhere in the middle. A lot of work for mom, but with a lot of benefits for her and baby. Cheaper than formula, but then time is money, and there's a lot of time involved in breastfeeding.
For me, some breastfeeding paraphernalia has been really helpful. I didn't use the Boppy much with Emme because I was just more comfortable nursing, but I used it a lot with Oliver. I did use a nipple shield very briefly when trying to get Oliver off the bottle he had used during his stay in the NICU and onto the breast. And I definitely use my breast pump. A lot. With Oliver, I used it right away at the suggestion of the lactation consultant who wasn't sure (along with everyone else) exactly how long he would be in the NICU. Maybe because of that, I had a great milk supply early on (I pumped in addition to nursing, not in lieu, which is an important distinction). With Emme, I pumped literally the third day because I was going back to classes and wanted to have enough milk to make it through the day. I managed to pump two or three four-ounce bottles in two or three days, which was more than enough, and since then I've basically made an extra bottle a day. I get up, I nurse, and then I pump. Until this week, when I decided that the 700+ ounces of frozen milk in the bottom of my chest freezer was, quite simply, enough. No need to stockpile any further. Notably, though, this massive stockpile made it possible for me to leave Emme for five days to go to New Orleans and seven days to go to San Diego without having to worry about having enough milk for her. Now, though, I know there's plenty there, and as long as it doesn't dwindle past about 200 ounces, I know I can do the bit of traveling I have planned this fall without worry. So for the past three or four days, I dropped that pumping in the morning. I nurse all day, but since she's not getting any bottles, I'm not making any either. Just dropping that one pumping session first thing in the morning was hard. Some combination of that and her sleeping longer at night meant that I had a lot of extra milk built up in the morning. Unfortunately, the only way to get the body to stop making the extra is to not express it. So I went a couple of days with a very full chest and sleeping on my back. I think we've about figured things out. I will continue to try and make just enough, and then when I get close to weaning, I can do it more slowly than I did with Oliver, using up my stash a bottle a day so that I dry up a little more slowly.
I didn't use a nursing cover with Oliver, but I also rarely nursed in public. Neither of my children had any respect for my modesty while breastfeeding, and while some women may feel comfortable flashing a little breast while nursing (which is fine) or are able to do it more discreetly or with a receiving blanket, neither worked for me. With Emme, I got one and have used it any number of times. She can latch on and off without me worrying about covering up, I'm more comfortable nursing, and she doesn't get so distracted by wherever we are. As an added bonus, I've used it as a coverup while pumping hands-free at my sister's house (with her husband around) and even while driving. Some people argue that a nursing cover just makes nursing seem even more taboo -- something that shouldn't be done in public -- but for me it makes nursing out of the house possible and something I'm more willing to do, which seems to be the goal. And if a little kid asks their mom what I'm doing or someone walks by me at the mall and puts it all together, they're still getting the message that breastfeeding out of the house is necessary and well, just fine.
I do enjoy breastfeeding. I love getting to snuggle with my babies and stare at them while they eat. I love being able to meet their needs and often instantly soothe them with the breast. I love this further wonderment in what my body can do to create and sustain life. I am thankful that my body has been able to do this with not a whole lot of challenges, as it's not always the case.
But I must say, as much as I enjoy it, I'm not someone who is especially interested in extended breastfeeding. I am not a small-busted woman, and breastfeeding doesn't help things. I have an ample milk supply and strong let-down, so I wear nursing pads every day. I'm not one of those women who can put on a nursing tank and just go out for the day -- there has to be layers of support (this time I at least learned to wear nursing bras with an underwire). I'm in school and working, so I have to pump to keep up my supply when I'm not with her, which I can't imagine doing long term. Basically, by about a year, when the baby can move to cow's milk and no formula is necessary, I'm ready to have my body back. I shed my last few pounds with Ollie when I finally weaned, and my sense is that will happen this time, too. I recognize the merits of extended breastfeeding, but at some point everyone has to decide to wean, and this is my decision. One of my good friends nursed her daughter until later than I did and wrote a lot and thoughtfully about her decision to finally wean. Another friend of mine is still nursing her 2+-year-old daughter even as she is expecting her second. Others made it to six months and called it enough. And they all made good decisions, in my opinion, because they made informed ones. They all sought help and support and information when they wanted it or as they needed it, and then chose what to do with it. I think that's what most "pro-breastfeeding" women want for each other. There are those, I suppose, who really do judge others who don't breastfeed or don't breastfeed "long enough" by their estimation. But I think most of us who have had good experiences just want the same for others, and so want others to have the help and support and information necessary to let that happen. However, I'd like to think that any reasonable woman recognizes her experience is not the same as others, and that the decision to nurse or not, to wean and when, is each woman's alone.
So on this, the first day of World Breastfeeding Week, I say -- Go forth and nurse. Nurse at home in the nursery and on your living room couch (in front of some show that your infant should certainly not be watching, for me Law and Order: SVU). Nurse at the mall and in a restaurant. Nurse for you and for your baby. And if you choose not to, just make sure it's an informed choice and not one that results from lack of help or support or information. And when you choose to wean, don't feel guilty about it for even one minute if it's the right time for you and your baby (knowing, even as I write this, that I felt a little guilty when I weaned Ollie and will again when I wean Emme). And if breastfeeding was horrible for you, don't feel guilty about that either. There's just only so much a person can handle, and no one should suffer through their baby's infancy because breastfeeding just sucks (pun intended). And if breastfeeding was wonderful for you, tell others about it. Tell you daughter about it (and your sons -- Ollie has definitely been a convert to breastfeeding!). Because the more little girls (and boys) and teenage girls (and boys) and newly married women (and men) and newly pregnant women (and their husbands) hear about and see women breastfeeding -- the ups and downs, the initial struggles and eventual successes -- the more common it will be in society. Which is, of course, the goal of World Breastfeeding Week.
2 comments:
Well said!! I'm also a lucky bf-ing mama who spread the word. I'm surprised at how many women are surprised when I tell them Bubba is nursing 100 percent. Haven't made my mind up about when to start weaning yet and looking for advise, loved reading about transitioning to cow's milk around a year. Thanks!
I would have never expected that one of my proudest (and hardest-earned) achievements in life would be breastfeeding my twins without formula supplements for--come Sunday--8 months and counting. I hope to make it to the one year mark, though, with going to back to school and probably not QUITE the stash you have, we'll see!
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